Podcast 363: Happy Together with Bill Cloke

Bill ClokeI don’t believe that their is a person either male or female who has been in a relationship that at one point or another has not had challenges in communicating effectively, and finding harmony and bliss in their relationship.

In my interview with Dr. Bill Cloke who has been a couples’ therapist for over 30 years he reveals some very important tips and strategies for staying “Happy Together” the title of his new book. Bill states that the basic building blocks for a loving connection need to consider the following:

1) Boundaries-Understanding what is acceptable and what is not is vital for love to grow. We need to take time to outline what our boundaries are so we can live within them. 2) Consideration: To be considerate about the things that are important to your mates essential for harmony. 3) Fairness: Being fair helps keep a relationship balanced.  Share chores, vacations, spending, friends, and responsibilities toward relatives creates more harmony and positive feelings 4) Tolerance: Our ability to tolerate our partner’s foibles and flaws is important for lasting peace. Tolerance for differences in feelings, way of doing things, parenting styles, and the other opposing view that all couples have is a key component of creating love. 5) Responsibility: Being able to own our part of a problem is essential for conflict resolution. 6) Support: Support takes many forms, from helping your partner fulfill reams and aspirations to providing care when he or she is sick or defeated.

Bill points out that we also have many roadblocks to love, and some of them include: blame-shifting, victimhood, entitlement, denial, displacement, guilt, shame/blame, stonewalling, projection, devaluation. He states that to truly understand what healthy communication is all about, we need to consider the complexity of what may be causing conflicts with our mate.  An argument about putting the cap back on the toothpaste may actually contain clues to buried feelings.  The core of conflict may be a sense of feeling invisible or needing to control, but the cap is the way our feelings are ignited, so the toothpaste is where the argument is focused.

If you are in a good relationship and all is going well, then wonderful.  But don’t think that you cant’ learn from Bill book “Happy Together“.  This book is for anyone in a relationship whether things are going great, or if you believe it needs work.

This is one of the best books on relationship counseling I have read.  You just might be able to save and or improve your relationship by reading, understanding and applying some of the great wisdom that Bill teaches in “Happy Together”

 

I hope you enjoy this interview, and if you would like more information about author Dr. Bill Cloke please click here to be directed to his website.

Podcast 15: The Myth of Male Power with Warren Farrell Ph.D

Warren Farrell Ph.DIn my interview with Dr. Warren Farrell, we explore the “The Myth of Male Power“. This podcast with Dr. Farrell was quite fascinating and provided me insight into an area that I had little knowledge or understanding of. His perspective really opened my eyes about the socialization of both the sexes. Dr. Farrell dialogs with me about the expectations of males in society and the roles we play in order to be successful with the opposite sex. He also provides a fascinating perspective on why he believes that neither sex has power over the other and that our power is only in our ability to control our own life.

Dr. Farrell tells a very interesting story about a woman who was attending one of his lectures and got up to tell her story about her brother who was the focus of her fathers attention and admiration. Her father who was a prominent physician so wanted her brother to become a physician just like him. The father paid more attention to her brother who had originally stated that he wanted to become a physician. Then one day he announced that he no longer had a desire to become a physician and the father was devastated. Jokingly, and to win her fathers approval and admiration she told her father that she would become a physician, but deep down inside she was really only doing it so that she could win her father’s approval. Interestingly enough, she followed through with her degree and become a physician. She now states that she is in her 40’s and is not happy with this chosen profession, and would like to change vocations.

Dr. Farrell was attempting to emphasize through this story that statistically men are usually the ones who take on the jobs out of a sense of obligation or family pressures. Without sounding sexist the statistics prove this fact and this story illustrates “The Myth of Male Power” and provides interesting insights into how our viewpoint and perspective about male power in society is probably distorted.

I hope that you will enjoy this podcast with Dr. Farrell and if you are interested in learning more about his research, workshops, lectures and CD’s, please click here for more information.

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