Greg Voisen
Welcome back to Inside Personal Growth. This is Greg Voisen, the host of Inside Personal Growth. And joining me from Maryland today is author Bela Gary. Good day to you. How are you?

Bela Gary
I'm good, how are you?

Greg Voisen
Good. It's a pleasure to have you on Inside Personal Growth. And we're going to be speaking about her book, The Misadventures of an Imperfect Woman. She had a prior book, The Midlife Crisis of a Perfect Woman. And I'm going to ask a question about the prior book that was in 2020, that she wrote that book. And if you want to learn more about Bela, you can just go to Bela b-e-l-a Gary g-a-r-y.com. There, you'll find more about her, you'll find more about her intuitive writing program that she has. She's a very busy woman. And I think it would be awesome for all of my listeners to go up there and check it out. So without further ado, I'm going to introduce Bela formally. She's a writing coach, intuitive healer and author. Her diverse background includes law, acting and running a small press publishing company. Inspired by travel and human connection. Her writings explores the human experience with a focus on spirituality and personal growth. Bela's journey has been marked by a quest for perfection. But she eventually realized that true happiness lies in embracing imperfection. She published as I said earlier, the midlife crisis of a perfect woman in 2020. And the misadventures of an imperfect woman, is her second book. And for all of you, you go to Amazon and pick up a copy of his book. So Delaware didn't tricked me was, you know, he wrote this prior book with completely flip flopped title. You know, and that book was a midlife crisis of a perfect woman, I hope in 2020, you weren't trying to be perfect. And then 2023, you figured out you were gonna be imperfect. But the journey of a woman, as you say, was obsessed and search for answers in her life turned upside down by this intense romantic connection? Do these two books, and I know this might sound silly to some of my listeners, because usually when authors write books, there's a connection between them. But is there a connection in any way between where you were in 2020? And this in 2023?

Bela Gary
Absolutely. When I it's a standalone book, The Misadventure, the new book, The Misadventures definitely stands on its own, but it is loosely connected, because it's after this woman in the midlife crisis of a perfect woman realized she had been trying to live her life, to, you know, being perfect and it didn't work. She met this man, he turned her life upside down. And then she became spiritually awakened and believed she was healed. You know, she said, I'm healed. I'm letting go. I'm empowered. And then, however, it continues into the second book, the misadventures, where she realizes she still has a lot of healing to do. She's still obsessed about the past. She's still obsessed about him. And it's all about her misadventures, as she tries to forget him, which is, you know, not the best way of healing, just burying everything. But so that's how they are connected is really, and they could they know, they can stand on their own. I really believe that, but I would, I kind of would like my readers to, you know, make their own decision. And whether that's, you know, connected or not, I'm always open to the readers. This is for the readers interpretation, and in many ways, so, yes. Well, you have a great

Greg Voisen
quote, right at the beginning of the book, from me a barn, I think that thing, in order to heal, we must first forgive. Sometimes that person we must forgive as ourselves, speak with the listeners about this really important element of forgiving ourselves because when you're imperfect, and we're talking about spiritual masters here, as well as a personal journey, but the reality is, is it's so important, when people are perfectionists to realize that self-love, you can't love anyone else. Unless you can let go and to and love yourself. Can you comment on that? Because that was a great quote in the book that he just pulled that was right there.

Bela Gary
Yes, yes, I think A huge part of healing is forgiving others Yes. Which in many ways is much easier than forgiving yourself? Because like you said, if you're trying to be perfect, you're, you think, well, you're really hard on yourself, first of all, and you and forgiveness of yourself, you don't even people don't even think about that. I think a lot of the time, they just go through and they say, okay, yes, I forgive someone. And in a way, that's easier. And when you look at yourself, you say, oh, my gosh, I did all these horrible things, or I made stupid decisions, or I took the wrong path. And you're just so hard on yourself. And really, it's all about looking and saying that it's normal, it's part of being human, it's part of being a spiritual soul to make mistakes, to not be perfect. And then you can begin to forgive yourself. But of course, you have to accept all those things first, and it takes work sometimes for a lot of people, especially those that are seeking or trying to embody perfection.

Greg Voisen
But of all great spiritual philosophies. Isn't that one of the biggest things that runs through? Most of them? I know it at times people say, you know, in Catholicism or Christianity, you know, somebody might say, oh, well, you know, unless you repent, you are forgiven. You know, and I think many people carry this story from childhood, whether it was they were brought up in Catholicism or, or they were Christian, or they were Muslim, or they were Jewish, it didn't matter, because the reality is, all of those faiths and religions kind of have a similar story when it comes to this. So how would you address that for people? Because they think some of that stuff is very deep seated.

Bela Gary
Yeah, no, it is, and, and even sometimes forgiving others, some people hold on to that for a very long time, no matter what, you know, religion, or their background. That's still hard, but we never think about ourselves. It's, which is, you know, it's really, it's an important aspect, we only think about because we are brought up, okay? You will be forgiven if you repent, and redemption. And there's redemption involved in that. But we were just so hard on ourselves, we don't look at that. And I think it's a really important component. You know, for people who maybe just recently became spirit spiritually awakened, or finally recognized something in themselves that they wanted to, they wanted to develop. That's probably the hardest thing is the self-forgiveness.

Greg Voisen
Yeah, it is. And I think your book does a really good job through the way you've weaved it in there. So at the heart of the book, what do you believe, the most potent message or lesson that you want to share with the readers that are really true? You know, if I was to hit this hard? What, what would you tell the listeners out there today is really the true message here?

Bela Gary
Yes, it's hard, because I have many in there, but I think it is authenticity. And you have to, you know, to reach that point, of course, take self-awareness, and the desire to heal. And as you heal those things that you fear and the pain that you carry, and you accept your imperfections, then you can begin to live an authentic way you live an authentic life, you, you know, you don't care so much about making millions of dollars or having a million of millions of followers on social media, it's all about just being the real person that you are without the fear of making mistakes and stay true to yourself and not being judgment, really.

Greg Voisen
It’s kind of like the Dharma I mean, in Buddhism. So you know, the reality is, is that that is a super potent message. It is. But what personal transformations Did you undergo while you are kind of writing this book? And were there any moments of self-discovery? That even surprised you? Because, look, you're a writer, you teach intuitive writing a deep levels of intuition. Also comes a connection with the soul. Some people don't really get that. And I think this as a good important discussion to have is what transformed while you were doing this, what deep connections did you make with your inner soul? And what was it speaking to you about?

Bela Gary
Well, it was interesting because I wasn't I wasn't expecting this. Like you said, for me. I was writing this. And I began to embody my character. She embodied me we became, you know, we were healing together. As I wrote, the more I wrote the more realization issue that I had about myself. And the big one was the fear of being alone. I think that's a fear for many people afraid of being alone, especially when you're older. And I mean, alone, you know, without a partner, not in a relationship. And although I love spending time by myself, I, it was a huge realization for me. I'm not afraid of dying, a lot of people are afraid of dying, like death doesn't scare me about being alone scares me more.

Greg Voisen
What is it about being alone balance that, you know, I've addressed this in many shows, I go from Eastern philosophy to Western Union, there's this concept, I had Thomas Moore on here, speaking about the eloquence of silence not that long ago. And it was very poignant to me, one of the things we talked about was emptiness. And that obviously, is a is a Buddhist philosophy. But when you really get deep into emptiness, what is it that we always have to fill something up when it's empty? So loneliness to me? Is something around Well, again, if I got to fill it up, you're not going to just fill it up with anybody you want a relationship with somebody who is significant and has like values, I get that. But can you address that for you? Because if that fear is truly still there, and you don't fear dying, right, yeah. Which is usually one of the biggest they say, public speaking and dying are the two biggest fears. So public speaking, I think you have down, maybe you're not fearing that one. But dying, you're not fearing. And now you're saying you're fearing being alone?

Bela Gary
Yes, yes, I'm dealing with that. And I've dealt with that to an extent. But however, I think it's all about when you talk about filling something up, I think it's filling, you know, it's like I call it, you've want to fill that hole in your soul. And that is filled with self-love. And it's not, you can get love from others. But once you have that self-love and you love yourself unconditionally, you're going to feel that something is missing. And I think that's really what it’s about just loving yourself that can fill the hole. And the more I did,

Greg Voisen
How did you open yourself up or prepare yourself for that?

Bela Gary
I think I just had been preparing along the way because I write other things. And through for me when I write it's, you know, I like I say it's intuitive. It's intuitive, I write everything intuitively, my titles come to me intuitively. I meditate. I mean, deep meditations, dreams, I have very vivid dreams that I write down and then I journal. And I think that's, that's part of the process is you start to unravel those things, that that you fear and those things that you're, that cause you pain, and you begin to understand them. Not that you're immediately cured, it's going to take a while and I don't think we're always we're, I don't think we're healed completely. Anyway, it's a lifelong process. It's, but once you understand them, you can react differently in different situations, you can, your feelings shift, when you understand why you're afraid of something. And, you know, wanting love from others. Because, you know, helps me would help me feel not so lonely or alone and fill the hole in my heart, I realized I can fill all of that myself, I don't need somebody else to fill that hole. So that helps you become more, I guess more independent, more of an independent soul. And I don't mean in the physical I mean, and you need to be on your own as a soul before you can be combined with another soul have another have a relationship, like you said, you’ve got to love yourself unconditionally before you really can be, you know, in meshed with somebody else. And I mean, in meshed in a good way some people see in meshed as all entangled, but yeah, no, I know. It's around. Yeah, wrapped around thing.

Greg Voisen
So what's that? What's that fear? Because, you know, normally the opposite of love and fear. And I just finished a book not that long ago, I was a co-author, the precipice of life, and I interviewed 23 people to climb all the highest seven sites in the world. And they said, if you're not facing death, you're not living, meaning the fear. So, you know, obviously, every one of those mountain climbers, both men and women, who were willing to face those fears, feel like they're living life fully. And I think when you're in relationship with nature, or you're in relationship with a person, you have to be willing to face that fear. Would you want to address that? Is there a fear of being connected because it's this misadventures and this fear of being alone, I don't think you could be more alone than when you're on top. above the mountains. Looking at it going, Yeah, it's pretty interesting, actually. So do you have any insights there?

Bela Gary
Well, I think that most of most of what most of what we do to make ourselves happy in the real world have nothing to do with making ourselves happy. And the people that we choose, and the reasons that we choose them are sometimes for not for very positive reasons. We just doing toxic, toxic energies toxic, codependence, whatever it is. And we, you know, we don't realize that and I think that when the fears, the fears that we have about connection, whether I think partially we simultaneously fear, love, and want love. And the fear comes from another place probably from, you know, fear of being vulnerable, because of past hurt. So there's these intermeshed things that always play in that, you know, in my character in the book, this was the same thing, she simultaneous, simultaneously feared unwanted things at the same time. So there was this disconnect. You know, facing your fears, and you're talking about nature, when I, I did a cross country trip by myself in the car, just like my character did. My first night in the, in this remote cabin, I chose it on purpose, my character, you know, she, this was very similar story, she chose the same thing. It was terrifying. I could not sleep I had every single light on it outdoors and indoors. And but you know, what the as the days passed, and I kept doing this, I'm not afraid I'm not afraid to stay on my own. And I think as those things as I went through those things, that's where my might not having fear of death, because I started to face the things, you know, I was afraid of being killed. So I'm no longer afraid of that I, you know, traveling to countries that and doing things, adventurous things like climbing a mountain, like you said, you. You don't fear death, you may fear other things. But I think doing those challenging, adventurous things that some people would be afraid to do, because they're afraid to die. It takes away that fear. So I think

Greg Voisen
why you face your fears face the fear. Yeah. And I think that the only way through it is to do it. You know, and I had a question for you. Because, you know, how do you feel that societal expectations that that are all around us? Like you were in law at one point, and I'm sure gave it up? Because you had this desire to do this, contribute to the misadventures of a woman today? And can you share any anecdotes from the book that particularly address this? Because, you know, we see the women's right movement. I was watching a story the other day, Gloria Steinem, like, well, did. She has anything really changed since 1970? Are we the same position kind of fighting for our rights? So?

Bela Gary
Yeah, yeah, well, I think things have changed. Personally. I mean, I personally think that, but I think the internet social media has, in some ways made things worse, because, you know, you see these celebrities and influencers and all these personas. And, you know, they meet you know, if they're women, they meet men, and it's, they make it look so easy. As if you can just, you know, it's so easy. You meet this great man, you have a great life. And it's all a persona, it's all fake. So I think those societal pressures are still there. Especially, I mean, I'm speaking for older women in general, because, you know, it's very, you know, you look at ads, movies, books, everywhere you look it's people looking for a happy ending and meeting and finding true love and it doesn't work like that. It's not like in the books or in the movies, where it's a happily ever after, there's a lot more work involved.

Greg Voisen
Not that very, not that Cinderella fairy tale.

Bela Gary
fairy tale that we all want when we're young, right? So I think that that's part of it. It's just aging. Also, as an older woman, you begin to see your, your worry about oh my gosh, I'm gonna be great. One day, I'm gonna have wrinkles. No man is gonna want me. So those pressures, I mean, you see the ads and you see these beautiful women and even in movies you have. I was reading something yesterday, and I think it was Harrison Ford. And I don't remember what movie it was, but he is, you know, I don't know how old he is. He's, he's pretty old. But his female co stars like half his age. It's like, okay, well, you know, that doesn't make sense to me. It's not reality, and they make it seem like reality. I mean, even in dating, I came across men who would say, I'm a lot I was a lot older than the women they usually date and they're my age or old. They're, so maybe it's a post divorce thing? I don't know. But

Greg Voisen
I think well, you know, I think it's not been a rough but it's more prevalent today because of the Aquarian Age. I think that we're in that these long term marriages like Hugh Jackman, 27 years, decides that he's getting a divorce the other day, another friend of mine after 25 years, decided the other day, and I hear more and more of this, you know, 25 years into marriage 30 years into marriage. They're, they're leaving or separating. And the question is, have they shared at all? And is it done? And is this kind of incarnation in my real fondness? Most? Start that all over again? You know, we see more and more of that. Do you have any comments about that? And what do you hope the readers will gain from embracing that? That would be maybe considered an imperfection. Okay. Because in our society today, there still is, even though people maybe don't want to admit it. There's a stigma attached to that. Because we have these old values about kind of staying married. Right, right.

Bela Gary
Yeah, I definitely think I mean, speaking from my experience, I reached a point. In my marriage, when I was I was taking care of everybody. And I was trying to be perfect and create perfect lives for my family and my kids. And I just couldn't take it anymore. My father died and it was an awakening for me, it was okay, I need to do something more I need to find, not necessarily find somebody else, but just live a life for myself. And I think yet you talk about that, you know, the Aquarian Age. It's all about, you know, evolving spiritual evolution. Thank you can't do that. If you're stuck, you feel stuck, not that you're stuck. Some people just feel stuck, and they're not. But so if you're stuck, you need to get out of your stuckness and find growth. And I think that's what people are doing. And I don't want

Greg Voisen
that. I think that's partially why people are separating. Yeah, is one person is moving forward spiritually, and another person may or may not be, might be caught in their own ways. But that seems to be some of what I see when I asked my friends who go through it, what's going on? You talk about these misadventures? Are there any moments of adversity when singleness mistakes or a mix at all? Mix up? Can you share a favorite misadventure from the book? What would be one of your favorite ones?

Bela Gary
Um, I think that, well, I don't want to give a lot away, because there are a lot of little like details here and there. But I was going to talk about the cabin one because that one, you know, staying in the cabin, and, and the whole misadventure of the foxes in the night and all the noise. And then she comes out with a flashlight and her cell phone and she doesn't know what to do. And she turns on, on every light locks herself in a room. I mean, to me, that was that was me, because I probably did the same thing. But it was also a you know, it was just one of those. One of those things that that she did that eventually she got over. But it was a it was a small one. I mean, I can probably think of a better one than that.

Greg Voisen
Well, it's not small, actually. Because it's a big fear.

Bela Gary
It is it is it is a big fear.

Greg Voisen
You know, I mean, look, I've even as a male, I've been there before I've Yeah, I don't think there's any guy out there that can say, oh, I went camping and I felt fully, you know, fully safe. Because you are connected to wilderness you are there going to be snakes? Are there going to be bears? Are they going to be there? So they're going to be that? You know, and your mind keeps racing and building up a story. And then the story becomes kind of reality for you, and then you act it out. And that kind of brings me to this. This question, there's people listening to this now are that are, you know, constantly in pursuit of perfection, often to their own debt detriment? What advice or insights? Does your book offer them? And what would you tell them?

Bela Gary
Okay, some of the things are easy to say, but hard to do, but I really believe that they're true. So I'm going to first tell you because I've got several and it's really not being afraid to make mistakes. That is hard, but you need to learn and grow and it's important to make mistakes. That's how you learn and grow. And sometimes those mistakes end up being bringing Beautiful things into your life. So I think it's important and I don't even like to call them mistakes, I just call them choices. Because one choice leads to another surrender, you can't control everything, or anyone only yourself. So you just have to let go and surrender. Love yourself, unconditionally. Let go of the past, and write it all down. And journal. That is the key. I think if I think journaling and writing are the most important thing to healing, and people, I know people struggle with that. But you don't have to write you know, 10 paragraphs, you can write just a few sentences. So I think that that's, that's important. And some of the sounds easy, you know, let it go. I can't stand that when people say, oh, just let it go. You can't you have got to figure out what happened. Gotta heal, and then it becomes easier to let go.

Greg Voisen
Yeah, I had Bruce Lipton on here the other day, that biology belief. And I think what happens is, you know, when we're kids up to the age of seven, I think this is important for our listeners as well. You know, there's been programs that had been put into us, we weren't really born with a bunch of programs, but we have these programs. And in the subconscious, they continue to play and what Bill is really saying is just kind of asking you to look at the program and see if you can rewrite it. And you can rewrite the program. And you mentioned authenticity, five minutes ago or so in our conversation. And I think celebrating authenticity over perfection is a good one. How does the book add to this narrative? And what's your personal position or stance on this? I mean, because authenticity, I look at Brene, brown talks about it at length, and many of my listeners who subscribe to one of many books talk about authenticity. And it's easier said than done. It's a word, I think that is overused, but not over applied.

Bela Gary
I agree. I agree. People use a lot. Like you said, people use a lot of things over and over, they don't really tell you what to do. Yeah. I mean, in my book, my character goes through huge, huge well, many transformations. Parts of the book, as she's dating and meeting men, She's a chameleon, she can be anything that they the men want her to be she knows how to read them. And she does that for a long time. Until you know, she finally realizes that it's not a really good way to go about living. But she's not being authentic. She wants to be authentic and be herself. But at the same time, she wants to be what they want to be because she wants a man. She's very, you know, it's very complicated. So I think part of it does have to do with accepting your imperfect imperfections, and accepting those imperfections, really is, like I said, it's a deep dive into your fears, and you have to accept them. You can't just say I fear this, and I have this pain, you have to say, I accept this part of myself, I understand why it's there. And that, you know, then once you accept those imperfections, then you can live a more authentic life. So yes, authenticity comes from accepting your imperfections. So I think that that's how they're connected. And once you, you know, once you start to live more authentically, with practice, eventually, you can really embody that and it doesn't stay with you all the time, you have to understand you'll have moments where you're not going to feel like you're, you know, operating in an authentic way you. But as long as you see it, I think if you see it, you're like, okay, I see what I did there. I think what's important is just recognizing it, recognizing it, recognizing when you're not being authentic, recognizing when, when, you know, when you're fearing judgment from others, because I think that's the biggest, one of the biggest things, also preventing people from being authentic is fearing

Greg Voisen
judgment. And I think that whole concept of trying to read a man and then get him as a result of you being able to change your color, the chameleon concept. I think, as long as you I think if you're doing that intentionally, to attract somebody, then you go back to being whoever you are. As a result, there's going to be challenges in that relationship because they think the person needs to see you for who you are right up front. And, and then if they don't like it, or you don't like them, you say, Okay, great. This isn't working out. And that brings me to this navigating through your own misadventures and how it shaped your resilience. Are there tools or practices you'd run recommend to others from the book around resilience. Again, that's another word. And again, this comes down to, I know, in the end, you know, our ego is here to protect us in many ways. And in other ways, it's, it's very tough to your, you're always going to have it, you're not always going to control it. Okay? So the question would be in shaping your resilience, are there practices you'd recommend for people to become more resilient?

Bela Gary
Well, practice makes perfect. As they say, practice makes imperfect, I'm going to say that's really, because you're trying to accept your imperfections. I think some of the things I already mentioned, just facing, you know, looking at your fears and facing them. And which is a process of looking inward, not comparing yourself to others, because you're a different person. And people have their own issues, their own imperfections, and you just deal with yourself, trying to follow your own true path, which a lot of people don't even know what their true path is. And I think everybody has a true path. And that's very personal. And you will know it when you see it. As you work through a lot of these things. If healing, always thinking that you need healing, and not going around saying, oh, I'm healed, I'm fine. I'm moving on. Because everyone always needs healing, writing, meditating. And you don't just you don't have to just sit down and deep meditation and think about nothing. I think meditation obviously, to me involves, there's thoughts in there, there's visions, there are things that you feel, and you can just go for a walk and you're meditating, you can go for a swim, and you're meditating don't have to follow all the rules that you have, you know, of meditation, and having empathy for others. I think that's the key if we just start having more compassion and empathy for other people, that also helps us as a tool to understand ourselves. Yeah, though, I would

Greg Voisen
say that, you know, you say, misadventures, I think people frequently look for the destination, but they forget the journey. And what this misadventures is, is about the journey. And I think it's important that people embrace the journey no matter what it is, because the destination, we don't always know what it's going to be. That sometimes is a surprise. And I think this you address this, this fear of being alone, is a projection of the destination. Not the journey, and what you're learning how to do is live the journey and embrace it, regardless of whether or not there is a love at the end, or the perfect man, or whatever it might be. So while writing the stories or the misadventures, were there especially that were there any of that were especially difficult for you to put down on paper? And if so, how did you overcome that? Because there's lots of stories in here.

Bela Gary
Yes, yes, I would say my first book was more difficult, because that I was not used to sharing my vulnerabilities. And my, you know, my fears, my thoughts, my feelings, and that one, I did promote as being a fictionalized memoir, so it was about me. But once I got past that this one wasn't, that wasn't so difficult. I felt I feel really comfortable writing about these things now. So I would say it was more about the realization. You know, it was more about sharing it that made me a little bit worried writing it, I had no fear. But when it came to the, when it came to the point that I was going to publish it as a thought, well, there are a lot of things in here, these people don't know, they're going to think it's me. Which of course, it partially is, I think all authors end up writing about themselves whether they know it.

Greg Voisen
Especially with books like this.

Bela Gary
Yeah, but I but I, I just said okay, that's fine. I'm not afraid anymore. So, so there wasn't anything really difficult, mostly writing about the big realizations about my fears, and how I was a cause of my own suffering in many ways and made more mistakes and, and judged others and my intuition was so messed up for a long time because of my fear. And I always went around saying, I'm very intuitive, I can tell things, I can read things. So that kind of bothered me. It made me feel like a hypocrite but it was true because it happened to my character. It happened to me when you're fearful and in pain. You can't always use your intuition effectively.

Greg Voisen
So how And how does somebody like you this you teach intuitive writing workshops? How does someone like you help another person who's been through both the dark side of this and the bright side of it, help someone find that state of intuition to connect with a higher source and then trust. Because there's one thing, intuition to hear some people feel some people see, there's all kinds of different sorts of intuition that we get. But when it comes to writing, what are you guiding your students in doing? To actually center themselves? To be able to make this connection? And then trust in it? Right, I think that's the biggest thing. It's like, okay, I get intuitive hit. But do I really, really move with it? Do I make any decisions based on it? Or do I just hear it or feel it and not do anything with it? There's a, and there's also the discernment side. Yeah. Where is this coming from? As somebody who was a lawyer, I'm sure the discernment side at times was more than or I said, you were in law. You said, but, you know, that's got to be a big deal. And how do you set people up for success with this intuitive writing?

Bela Gary
Well, in, in my writing, the, in the writing workshop, I have several guided meditations, I start with that. Actually, I open with, you know, with a, a guided meditation, that's about 20 minutes long, and we go through this beautiful landscape. And there are all sorts of all sorts of other, you know, other things that happen. And I think that you realize people learn to relax, they open themselves up, they begin to, to sense feel, maybe see things and just to write them down. I just tell people write it down. And I think the more you practice, that the writing the meditation, the more you begin to trust. I mean, you may get intuitive pings that you don't know where intuition. But if you have it written down, and you can look back and say, oh, wow, that's what my intuition was trying to tell me, then you grow and begin to trust. It's a process. It's doesn't happen right away, I believe. I mean, even people who suddenly become spiritually awakened, they're not really sure what to trust. I know now what to trust. For me intuition. It's not heightened emotion. And it's not logic. It's in a balance of those two things. When I feel an intuitive ping. I'm like, okay, yes. And there it is. It's not it's just there. It's not emotional. Yes, sometimes I think those there are big, the big pings that can bring the fear out. And you have to discern, like you said, is it really my fear? Or is it my intuition? I think that's what messes people up is the fear. We don't know. Which is which, until we start to experience it. So it's, it's experience, really, it's experience and understanding yourself. And like I said, journaling, and going back and reading what you've written, sometimes I go back, and I read what I wrote a year ago, and I don't I have things I wrote down, that were intuitive things, I have no idea what they mean. So and that's okay. You may not I may not ever know. But occasionally I'll go back and I'll say, oh, my gosh, this is referring to what's happening right now. Had I paid attention? Would it have changed things? Maybe not? Because I think we're meant to follow a path. And I wasn't meant to know it then. So you also have to trust that if you don't know something, it's because you don't, you're not meant to know it. In that moment. Maybe you're meant to know it later. And maybe you need to learn something. So that's how I look at life. It's just a life, it's learning. If I miss something, it's because I needed to learn something. So intuition

Greg Voisen
is heightened as well. I'm not going to just say through your meditation, your contemplation, your journaling, yeah, it is enter reflection, whatever that is for you. Right, it also changes the vibratory level at which you operate and can receive messages. So messages are received as a result of a higher level of consciousness. There's another word that use quite a bit. Yeah, but the reality is, as you upscale that, you have an opportunity to get in touch with more of it and know from a place of is it true that it is true? versus you having this discerning? Well, do I have to question it? Is it coming from fear wherever it's coming from so? Yeah, is there any takeaways you'd want to leave the listeners with from the misadventures of an imperfect woman? Because I we, you've got these intuitive writing workshops and for my listeners, just go to Bela Gary b-e-l-a-g-a-r-y.com. There, you're going to find out about Bela, her writing workshops are intuitive writing workshops and you can connect with her there. What would you say and I'm going to hold the book up for the listeners, go to Amazon, get a copy of this. And we'll put a link to Amazon to that we'll also put a link to her website so that you can do that. Any takeaways Bela

Bela Gary
I think read the book. As I actually I'm going to add, I don't my characters don't have names my main characters, I don't name them on purpose because I want people to be able to embody them. And I think read it as an experience that you are going through perhaps yourself and understand the character so that parts of her become you and it leads to a more a better understanding of yourself. I think that's a good way to read it. I think it's also fun and funny, although it's dark humor. Some people said of humor, but it's, it's, um, you know, misadventures are in their own way, satirical ironic. And I think that's how, that's how the book is, and the open, just be open to it. And listen to not only what the character said, but what it says. But the other characters, there's some little characters in there that give her advice. And she's completely surprised because she's always the one that wants to give people advice. So I think it's just enjoying the journey, like you said, enjoying the journey of the book.

Greg Voisen
Well, and I think, adventure period, not miss adventure. For my listeners. Okay, some of the adventures, may be Miss adventures, some of them just might be surprising adventures, where you're going to find something. And the fact is, is that you're moving in harmony with a spirit, and you're trusting it. And I think that's the biggest part is that, you know, it whether you do a podcast show or you work for a charity or your lawyer, what doesn't matter what your vocation is, what are the adventures that you're taking in life? And if they turn out to be some misadventures, what are you learning from them? And I think that's the key is the learning lessons from the misadventures that occur along the way. I like your cabin example of the fear associated with the sounds and the foxes and flashlight and coming out and so on. I think that's a really good example, actually, to be honest with you. So what are those fears that are holding you back from first taking the adventure? And then are you afraid of possibly a misadventure? So I think just get out there and go for it. Go get a copy of this book, Bell. It's been pleasure having you on inside personal growth, Namaste to you. Thank you for the time and all the good work you've done and actually putting in a way that if somebody wants to read a really cool story, most of these personal growth books are written, as you know, you know, nonfiction. This one is fiction, and you can get your teeth into it and enjoy it. So thanks so much for being on inside personal growth.

Bela Gary
Thank you so much for having me, Greg. It's been fun. Great. Really great. Thank you.

Greg Voisen
Thank you.