[00:00.5]
Welcome to Inside Personal Growth podcast. Deep dive with us as we unlock the secrets to personal development, empowering you to thrive. Here, growth isn't just a goal, it's a journey. Tune in, transform, and take your life to the next level by listening to just one of our podcasts.

[00:20.0]
Well, welcome back to Inside Personal Growth. This is Greg Voice and the host of Inside Personal Growth. And I'm thrilled to welcome Lynn Blades. She is the inspirational founder of Legacy Leadership and the author of this newly released book, that we will actually pop into the screen.

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The Quiet An Ambitious Woman's Guide to Recognizing Preventing Burnout. It's a Greenleaf book production and it's May, and this is May of 2025. It's coming out. Good day to you. Lynne, you're joining us from LO in England.

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How are you today? I'm very good, Greg, thank you so much for having me. Well, it's a pleasure having you and you joining us from across the Atlantic there and an opportunity to speak with a worldwide audience which is always interested in the topic.

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You say the quiet burn, the burnout, the stress. I'm going to let our listeners know a little bit about you because you and I have a quiet common friend, and that's Marshall Goldsmith. Marshall's been on the show many times and he used to live right here in Rancho Santa Fe, now living in Tennessee.

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And he and I used to take walks on Saturday mornings. So quite a distinguished guy you have the honor of. Gone through two decades of experience, guided an extraordinary range of leaders from C suite executives to their teams across industries including finance, law, tech, media, marketing and luxury.

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Her impressive client roster includes global giants like Nike, kpmg, British Airways And other major companies such as Sony Music, BBC and Warner Brothers. And so before her executive coaching consultancy, Lynn enjoyed a successful career as an award winning journalist working with international networks including cbs, cnn, CNBC and the BBC.

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So her background is shaped with this exceptional communication skills and she got this book done and we're glad to have it. And this is the debut of this book. So Lynn, welcome, welcome again to the show and thank you for taking the time to spend a little bit of time with our listeners right now.

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You know, the, the book obviously comes from your personal experience as well. And you open up with a metaphor, a metaphor of kind of burnt coast to describe how women often push themselves beyond their limits.

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And I think that's because they've been cultural. In the culture, we kind of expect women to be able to multitask Right. They got to take care of the kids, they got to take them to school, they got to, they work, they got to clean the house.

[03:25.6]
They also do all of these other things. Right. So what inspired you to write the Quiet Burn? And how has your personal journey with burnout kind of shaped the perspective of this? Well, the burnt toast thing, you know, how many times do you put a piece of toast, put a piece of bread into the toaster, and then, you know, you forget about it, it comes out, it's burnt, and you kind of scrape off the crumbs and you think to yourself, I could save this, I could save this, and I'm going to put some butter and jam on it anyway, and I'm going to eat it.

[04:01.9]
Well, you can only scrape those crumbs off a couple of times before all you're left with is literally the crumbs. And I think that that metaphor is something that a lot of women can relate to, and it's deeply personal to me.

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I can't tell you, how many times I've kind of ended up just with the crumbs of myself. And I think it symbolizes the way women settle for less, put their needs last and normalize the erosion, the erosion of their own joy.

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And I wrote this book because the Quiet Burn because I've lived it. I reached a point where I looked polished on the outside, but I was quietly unraveling on the inside. And through my own recovery, I recognized this pattern of behavior.

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And so many ambitious women, that I coach and outwardly they looked like a million bucks. You know, they were successful. Inwardly, they were completely depleted. And this book is both a mirror and a guide.

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A way for women to see themselves clearly and to learn how to reclaim their energy and agency without seeing, sacrificing their ambition. Yeah, I know. I remember, interviewing Marshall, and you know, he would talk about ambitious people and their regrets that they would have.

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And the interesting thing is, is why do you, Lynn, believe that self nurturing and care are such a challenge for a woman when really it should be the first thing that they do for themselves, Love themselves, nurture themselves and care for themselves.

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Yet, you know, when people get into this cycle of I'm not enough, I've got to do more. They can all, you know, hey, they have two or three degrees, they got a big house on the hill, they got the car, they got all the things that Marshall and I have talked about, yet they're unhappy.

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Right. When is enough enough? And what would you say about that? What kind of advice do you give these ambitious executives? Well, let's just go back to the very first thing you say said that. Why don't we prioritize our own care?

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Well, women simply are not raised to do that from little girls. We're taught to put everybody else's needs before our own. So we do not prioritize our own needs.

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Naturally. And when we do prioritize our own needs, we feel guilty about it. We literally have this dual burden of having to work and to also look after our homes and our children's and our partners.

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That is how we've been conditioned. And, my thoughts about that is that we need to reprogram. This book is a manifesto for reprogramming yourself to. So that you actually prioritize your own wellbeing. Because it's not only good for you, it's good for those that you care about, because you're going to be able to be your best self.

[07:34.7]
You cannot do that when you are running on fumes. But we are deeply, deeply conditioned to not do that. Yeah, yeah, you said it right on.

[07:51.8]
And, you talk about this super woman syndrome throughout the book. And how do you see this manifesto of perfectionism? Right, Because I think not on top of this, it's like, oh, I've got to be perfect too.

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You know, the makeup's gotta be right, and the hair's gotta be right, and the stuff's gotta be right impacting these women. And what's the first step for breaking free, from the mindset? Right. So, look, there's a belief about this that runs pretty deep.

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And then they believe that it's true. And the only way to really question it is say, is this really true? Is this the way I have to be? And so my question for you is, how do you break this, you know, this mindset?

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Okay, well, let's just start with the facts. Superwoman is a cartoon character. Okay? Yeah, it does not exist, pure and simple. But the super. Superwoman syndrome is real.

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It is a silent saboteur. And it convinces women that, they have to be exceptional in all assets, facets of their lives. But the fact is that perfectionism is not real either.

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Perfect doesn't exist. So understanding when things are good enough and when you are good enough is key to living a balanced, healthy, happy and successful existence.

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And you have to start there. You know, whether you're a leader, mother, partner, friend, you just have to allow yourself to be human and all of those aspects. And if you don't do that.

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This pursuit of perfection becomes a cage. And honestly, where that really feels like you're not allowed to ask for help when you need it. We hesitate to actually help, ask for help when we need it because we feel like that is a, failure.

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And that is just ridiculous. So you've got to break free from that concept that you have to be Superwoman. Drop the cape. It is time to reframe and redefine what strength looks like.

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And strength is asking for support. Strength is knowing your limits. And freedom begins when we give ourselves permission to be whole. Not flawless.

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I. You know, look, it's, this is an issue for women, and I think it's an issue for men as well. I mean, you know, when you look at both sides of the coin, it's really about this, you know, this ego that's constantly saying, I'm not enough or you were programmed as a child.

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Well, you didn't get A's, you should have gotten A's. You should have gone to this university. You should have done this. Shoulda, shoulda, shoulda, and the reality is you are the best that you are right now. And I think contentment with knowing that that is the case is the most important thing, but finding it's a different thing.

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So, you know, you write about the imposter syndrome, and I've had many people on here speaking about imposter syndrome. You, say a creation that originated from men when women began to seize opportunities.

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Could you elaborate on how the systemic biases contribute to women's self doubt, particularly for women of color? Well, I think, you know, when you have the chips stacked against you just through the very fabric of society, as a woman of color, you're not only facing the gender bias, but you're facing the race bias as well.

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So the system is stacked. It is not. We are at the, we are born at the bottom of the totem pole. So you are constantly trying to prove yourself, whether, you know, it's academically, personally, professionally.

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You're always having to do twice as much to get just as far as your white male counterpart and, you know, almost as much as your white female counterpart. And that kind of frustration causes, anxiety, it causes a lack of confidence, it makes you feel, it gnaws at you.

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It can also, it can make you feel, you know, irrational even, and emotional. But these are real things. These are actual facts that cause you to feel numb and make you feel, like you can't sleep even though you've been rested for a very long time, or you have a real loss for, the joy in the work that you once did.

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So if you carry that kind of albatross around your neck on an everyday basis, it's a, load to bear. It's a big load to bear. It's all of those things, those undercurrents of society that just break you down and burn you out.

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Yeah. Tear you down. That is the burnout. Because it's, you know, they say the stressors, right? And it's, the fight or flight. And, you know, all we've seen, like, in this stress, there's this fight.

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And that's what you're talking about, in essence, that I hear is kind of the fight. And it's like, well, so when does it end? When can I stop the fight? Right. Because you're, like, running from this all the time because it's constantly in pursuit of you.

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So, you know, throughout the Quiet Burn, you shared a lot of compelling stories. Sophie, Catherine and others. Which transformational story resonated the most with you personally, and why? Because I think these.

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I think someone's story is really, really important. And that story being told by you, the author, is important for our listeners to hear, because here's somebody that you helped transform. There's a couple of stories, really, of people who, Women that I identify with.

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I want to say something first about imposter syndrome. It's very real, and it was identified and back in the 1970s. But I do feel that when you think imposter syndrome is an emotional thing, okay, it's not based on fact or reality.

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And when I see really highly successful, ambitious women suffer imposter syndrome, it just breaks my heart because the facts say and the data say something completely different from what they're experiencing emotionally, which means that they feel that they are not good enough, that they are undeserving, that they are in the what I call why me?

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Mindset, it should be the narrative in their heads, should logically be, why not me? Right? I deserve all of this and more because I have worked hard for it, and I'm really good at it.

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And this set of facts and data tell me this, but there are all of these external stressors that are there all the time saying, well, do you? Do you really deserve it?

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Are you really as good as the fact and data say, of course you are. I'm not saying that we shouldn't all feel a little imposter syndrome every now and then, but that should not be your status quo.

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That should not Be your internal dialogue on a regular basis. It simply should not be. And I think there's a couple of stories. Rose's story and Adeya's story.

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I can personally identify with both of those. With Adeya, she grew up. She's, a black woman who came to this country when she was very young with her family and was transplanted into a very white environment.

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So all of her education was, you know, she was often the only or one of very few. And she was highly educated and was very successful, very ambitious in all of her endeavors. And she came from a family where they valued education, they value success, and they knew that they wanted the best for their children.

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So she just got along. You know, she just did what she needed to do to be successful. And I understand that. I understand that completely. I went to some of the best schools, in the world. And my parents sacrificed a lot for me and my siblings to be able to be highly educated and to experience different cultures and to be worldly.

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They wanted us to be raised in an environment where we felt we could do it, we deserved it. This is what success looks like. And we just assimilated. And there came a point in time where you actually really start to go, well, it's never that I didn't understand that I was, you know, black or anything like that, or a woman.

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It was more that I just knew how to get along, I knew how to survive. I could, you know, navigate through systems. And I also learned a lot by just sitting back in the cut and observing and actively listening.

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And today I did all those things. But when she had this big awakening where she just kind of went, oh, wow, there's other people of color that are like me, that are underrepresented in this big healthcare system.

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And I didn't realize that her whole picture, changed and her reality changed, and she knew that she had to look at herself in a different way. And with Rose, she worked for a big tech Amazon, and they kept dangling the carrot.

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You're going to get that big job. You're going to make it. I get that. I really get that. Back in my days, as a journalist, certainly working in Chicago, and thinking that I had to endure sexual harassment, you know, racial slurs, all kinds of things in order to be able to get along, that was just crap.

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I finally got to a point, thank God, when I was still in my 20s, where I was just like, why am I putting up with this shit? I don't need to put up with this. Shit. I know I'm smart, I know, I know I'm educated, I know I'm talented. And I just moved past the people pleasing mode and into my own power where I just realized I had to make my, you know, I had to decide what I was going to put up with, what was compromising my boundaries, my self respect and find a better way.

[21:06.4]
And that better way was actually self belief, believing in me. Right? Taking calculated risk, you know, saying when I went to complain to, you know, the general manager about how I was being treated, when he said, you can't take a joke, I said, see you later, buddy.

[21:26.6]
I'm going to create better, a better way for myself because I believe in me. And that was a big wake up call. The confidence is a big thing. And I think, you know, along with that is, you didn't exactly say this in the book, but, you know, when people have a spiritual awakening about themselves, the reality is they understand there's something greater and there's something greater that's working for us all the time with us.

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Right. And I think whether you believe in yourself, but you also believe that, there's a greater power out there that's guiding and directing you. And you use your intuition like you did, and you said, hey, Mr.

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Station Manager, I'm gonna take a hike. And you feel comfortable enough saying that because you know that you're going to be okay, you know that everything's going to be okay. And you know, during this time, you address this in the book, I think a lot of people during the pandemic didn't think they were going to be okay.

[22:48.6]
And it exposed really significant, you said, gender inequalities at home and in the workplace. Now here we are four years later almost, what lasting impacts do you see now still?

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And has there been any positive shifts? Well, I think the positive shift has been that, you know, corporates and businesses are more amiable to flexible working.

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I think that they realize that women do carry, the, you know, most of the burden, that is within the home and that they are also, you know, looking after people on their job and doing their jobs.

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So I think that there has been a heightened awareness of that. And I also think that there's been a heightened awareness of the need for very good male allies. Because I think men actually had the time to focus and see how much women do actually what we're responsible for, the value that we bring to the table.

[24:12.0]
So I think that that's been good. Of course, you Know, in our current climate, some of that is being erased or considered, unimportant. But I think what happened during the pandemic is that women actually had the moment to focus and see how much we do, how much responsibility is placed on our shoulders and how we raise to the occasion.

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We do what we need to do, we get on with getting on, because we have to. And I think, certainly from my own experience, and, you know, I'm married to a guy who actually did change the diapers and helped with the feedings and, you know, is a good father and, very successful at what he does.

[25:11.9]
But when it came to the pandemic, now, thank goodness, I. Our daughter was not, at the age where I had to homeschool, but if I had had to homeschool, I was cooking. I was on zooms all day long, working.

[25:29.1]
I was, you know, really responsible for much of what on at home, and also responsible for my clients, who, of course, were, you know, wondering what the hell was going on and kind of, you know, losing the plot.

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So I was supporting a lot of people. And what ended up happening is I felt burnt out because I was carrying so much of the responsibility. And you could see how it happened so quickly, because all of a sudden with the pandemic, it was like under being under a magnifying glass, you could see.

[26:06.0]
See very distinctly where the role play was, who was responsible for what things. And, in my situation, my husband's a film producer, so, you know, he works when he has a film.

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And actually during the pandemic time, he made four films by the time we really got through the end of it, because they were all in various stages. But his anxiety and his needs were all based around other people, not, you know, within our little microcosm.

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Within your family. Exactly, exactly. So, yeah, it's difficult. Yeah. And I think for so many people, it was. And, yes, the things have shifted, unfortunately. So. And we're seeing some people back to work because the employers want them there.

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Yeah, we're seeing some of them where they're still giving them time to work from home. Which I believe, personally, if people get their job done, who cares where they do it from? But. So let's talk about this. There are people in our lives that are energy vampires.

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Okay, We've heard this, and I think setting boundaries is really important, and it's what you were kind of basically alluding to. So what practical advice would you give a woman who's listening right now, who's struggling with saying no, to colleagues or loved ones, to say, look, you know, I have to set some boundaries here.

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And I think, you know, setting boundaries is really important because it's like, so what else are you. Because it's always you giving someone else your time, right. Or advice or service or whatever.

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And when it becomes imposing, the person usually gets angry, they get frustrated. And that anger then turns into stress, and that stress then turns into burnout. Yeah.

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So how do you help them manage that? I'll tell you.

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No is a beautiful word. Yeah, it is easy. Easy to say, harder to actually mean. Absolutely. But no means self.

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It represents self respect. It represents boundaries. It represents, you know, your worth. So often we let the word yes escape out of our mouths when we are internally screaming no.

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So the first thing I would tell any woman is embrace the beauty and power of saying no. You know what don't you understand? The n or the o? So, to be honest, the energy vampires.

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You, you all know who they are. We all had them in our lives. Ask yourselves the question, what am I getting out of that relationship? Are you just a big ear? Are you just a big sounding board?

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Is it actually a two way relationship or is someone literally sucking the life out of you? The best way to get rid of that energy vampire is to simply not respond.

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Because that person needs the response. They thrive on this response. They count on you being there and listening and giving, giving, giving until you have nothing left to give.

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All right, well, then you call motivation, you know, you call it the quiet burn. It's not the quiet burn. It becomes the loud burn.

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Well, and I get that. And I think in both sexes we experience this, right? And I think this is, good for men as well, to hear this. It's like, okay, you're gonna say no too, you know, so when addressing these women's career advancements.

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And I know achievement is a big thing, you know, it's like, okay, I want to advance, I want to achieve. I want to show that I've done something. You referenced Madeleine Albright's quote in the book about women helping other women. What does special place in hell for those who don't?

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So what is meaningful allyship between women look like in kind of a professional setting? Because there are, you know, places where women. I know in the United States, we have women's groups that meet, that are professional women.

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Right. And they spend time talking with one another. I think frequently, though a lot of it is less psychology, but more about business. And it always concerns Me, I mean, a good example is like, let's just say Vistage groups, right?

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I'm sure you're familiar with them, but they're places where CEOs go to share ideas and talk and whatever. And you always wonder, okay, a lot of times it's about the same thing. We're not really getting to the psychology of what you're talking about.

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Burnout.

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It's mostly business meetings now on the side. Yeah, people are talking about that. But how would you with this question, with these, what you would call professional settings where women can go to actually address this and be supported?

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I'll tell you, women are over mentored and under sponsored. And the best thing women can do is to understand that sisterhood works. Now if we go back to the 80s and the queen bee syndrome where we were led to believe that there was only one spot at the top table for a woman, and that woman fought and actually code switched to act like a man essentially to get to the top table.

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And then once she was there, she looked behind her and she said to her sister, well, I got here on my own. You get here on your own. Well to be honest, there's still some of that going on, but there's a much, much better way.

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And that much better way is the power of sisterhood that we actually, and I really firmly believe this, we need spaces that are women only so that we feel safe.

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We don't worry about what we look like, what we let our hair down. We use our power to network and to establish relationships. We listen actively to each other and help each other and we exchange ideas on how we can advance in our professional lives.

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And we feel good about it. We feel really good about it. I'm not saying men aren't allowed in those spaces periodically as guests, but they are women only spaces to empower women to shut down any dynamic that is negative or saying that we are not enough to buy into the female essence and the power that we bring and that diversity of thought that is so necessary to the lifeline of every business, we need to understand and embrace that and bring that together.

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Do you know, in 1975 the women of Iceland decided to literally drop out for a day of, professional work and home duties. They just dropped out.

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And it was amazing because all of a sudden it was a spotlight on what was missing. All of this women power, everything we bring every single day, everything we need to be rewarded for, to understand that the world would be at a great loss without us.

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I'm like, what would happen, Greg, if we just dropped out for three days? Those women managed to have legislation changed in their favor for just taking off one day. I'm sure more childcare. Because I know that country is very, pro.

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It is all of those northern. The northern European countries, you know, they. Do you get it? Yes, they get it. We live in a society. And, And I think because it's. Pardon me, but more socialistic, the.

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The amount of money available from taxes and government and so on is there. And, and I, And I speak with people from those regions frequently, actually. I have a friend that lives in Sweden, a couple of them, actually. And you know, it is. It is amazing how content the people are under the structure.

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Right? Because it's. They love it. It's a strong structure. It works. It works, it works. Nobody feels depraved, right? It works. Right, right. And they do a lot of group, I want to say communes kind of thing, if you've seen that happen.

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And I think it's really good because all families get together one day. One woman cooks for the whole eight or ten, and then the next day it's another woman or then it's the guy or whatever it is. But the point is, you know, it's a communal living environment.

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The women have daycare. They work. It works. It just works. So it's a great thing. Now look, that in itself is revolutionary to a place like the United States. I don't know about England, but definitely under our current administration.

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That would be something just weird. Right? You know, in your final chapter, you call for another revolution. I love it. You know, we're seeing, protests in our streets here.

[37:41.6]
I think it's a good thing, you know, democracy being taken away. What specific changes do you hope to see in the workplace, culture and leadership as a result of women recognizing and kind of preventing burnout?

[37:59.4]
Listen, first of all, we have to challenge bias from a place of depletion. Sustainable progress comes, from knowing when to push and when to pause.

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Because burnout really doesn't help anyone, especially not women whose brilliance, the world needs. So I think that we have to ask for what we want. That's the first thing.

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You know, my mother taught me when I was a little girl, don't ask, don't get. And I quickly got nicknamed gimme, you know, and honestly, I don't have a fear of asking for the things that I want to have and the things that I think I deserve.

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And I really believe that is what we have to do. The other thing we have to do is champion ourselves. How many people, women and men, but women in particular, have been at a table, had a brilliant idea, 10 minutes later a man says it and all the light bulbs go on.

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Isn't he fantastic?

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We have to be able to champion our own successes. We have to put the hand up and say, I did that. I captain that team. My team and I, we did this amazing feat.

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We accomplished it. Accomplished it. We don't say that because we're conditioned to put our heads down, work hard and we'll get rewarded, but that it's just not, the fact.

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Right. Yeah. On occasion, of course, somebody does notice you and you know, maybe gives you a hand up. But in general, if you don't make yourself visible, you're not going to be seen.

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So women have to make themselves seen and heard loudly. Because that gives you the ability to say, I'm here, this is me, this is what I need.

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These are my boundaries. This is. If this is not in line with my values, my beliefs and my purpose, if you are compromising me too much, I am going to leave. Don't be led by fear. That's the other thing.

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Fear is like wearing cement shoes on your feet. We have got to take calculated risk. Men are taught to take risk, encouraged to take risk.

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Women are not. We are taught to be risk adverse. But if you want to succeed in business and in life, you have got to take calculated risk. And we have to take risk if we really want to own it, if we want to lead in the way that we are capable of leading, if we want to contribute to society and be recognized for what we do.

[41:43.3]
Right. And I think, Lyn, you bring up a good point. You know, I recently did an interview with a gentleman about a book. The title is really great. What if no one is coming to save you? You know, the reality is, is that women like you've been advocating all along during this interview to prevent yourself from going into burnout.

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You kind of need to save yourself and passion. Exactly, exactly. Now this is the book the Quiet Burn. I, want everybody to go out and get the book. Also there's QR codes in here that go to videos.

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And I want people to know there's an assessment in it as well. That you can get through one of these pages. These QR codes are great because it's giving you a very short little, little advice. The place that you can learn about Lynn is actually very easy.

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L Y N N b l A-E-E-S.com there you can learn about legacy leadership and her coaching services. You can learn about all of her services. You can learn about the retreats, and what it is that she does in her leadership coaching and professional coaching and personal coaching, her workshops and her courses.

[43:06.8]
So go to LynnBlades.com and go get a copy of this book again. I'll hold it back up. Lynn, any final parting words for our listeners today? Yeah, erase that idea that worth must be earned through sacrifice.

[43:33.2]
We are enough. We are ever so powerful and this should be our time. You know, change is difficult because you never know what's on the other side of it.

[43:49.5]
And that's why people are so change averse and that's why they revert back to old habits and old ways. But you know what? You can't stop change. The world needs women like us.

[44:06.6]
The world needs strong women who are ambitious, who want to change, be the change, want to make this world a much, much better place.

[44:24.3]
Because we are a force for good. We are a force for change and we are a force to be reckoned with. And we should go forward unashamedly and be ourselves, own our power and know our worth.

[44:45.8]
And you have to, to prioritize your needs in order to be the best, not only for yourself, but for everyone else who needs you, everyone around you.

[45:03.2]
Yeah, well, your family, your husband, your co workers, all of them. Well, your wisdom and advice is, is very practical and I think that people, who want to learn more about how to be okay with themselves just the way they are, they really need to get your book, they need to speak with you.

[45:27.2]
And I want to thank you for taking the time to be on the show today and share, the content from your book, but more importantly your own personal story as well. Because most people's books come from the years of anguish and challenge that they've, that they've put up with and they've learned and they've ultimately saying, hey, guess what, there is something else out there for you.

[45:51.4]
So I appreciate you conveying that and everybody looking for something else out there. Go to Lynn's website and get a copy of the Quiet Burn. Namaste. Thank you for being on the show. My soul bows to yours.

[46:06.9]
Thank you very much, Greg. Thank you for listening to this podcast on Inside Personal Growth. We appreciate your support. And for more information about new podcasts, please go to inside personal growth.com or any of your favorite channels to listen to our podcast.

[46:23.4]
Thanks again and have a wonderful day.