Greg Voisen
Well, welcome back to Inside personal growth. This is Greg Voisen, the host of inside personal growth, and joining me from San Mateo California, is Grace Redman, this is Grace's book. Can I live dare to go from effed up to Fabulous? We can say it fucked up to Fabulous. It's my podcast. So I can say whatever I want. So the reality is, this is the book. We'll put a link to her website as well, which is just www Grace redman.com and there you can learn more about her and her services and everything else that she offers. Grace is kind of a diverse individual and grace. I'm gonna let them know a little bit about you, because I always think it's important for the listeners to kind of know a tad bit. You know, she's very dynamic entrepreneur. She's a success coach, obviously, the author of this book, can I live? Her work is a testament to the resilience of human spirit. That's really the big one. And I think for my listeners, that's what we'd like, for you to get. She offers readers a road map to overcome fear, self doubt and limitations to create a life of purpose and joy. Now in this episode, if this episode, we're going to dive into the insights and wisdom behind Can I live and exploring Grace's personal journey. Because she's, you know, look, she's lived this so she has the right to speak about it, the challenges she faced, the tools she's developed to help others live more authentically and unapologetically. So for all of you out there, let's get ready. Let's get set, and let's have a great interview with grace. Redman, Grace, thanks so much. It's been a pleasure doing the pre interview with you and then having you here today to really speak with my listeners about, can I live and one of the things that's always important, I think, to listeners, is like, well, so what's the origins of this book? Right? You wrote a book. For a lot of people, they never write a book, but it is not an easy thing to do. I've done it three times, and I know and you start with this powerful force of self, love and transformation. What inspired you really, really, really, deeply at heart to write. I can live and share your journey with so many people when you could have kept silent about it, oh, that's

a great question. Well, first of all, thank you so much for having me. You're so fun. I'm really excited to be here with you. And so I really was inspired and impassioned to share my journey, because I didn't realize that so many of us experienced that same self doubt, and we, most of us, live in that prison of our minds. And when I was able to really learn that that's a choice, yes, my life circumstances happen to me, and I have a choice on how to move forward, how to change the story. Is that I tell myself how to change the narrative so I can really live a fun and fabulous life, because I always searched out fun, and I remember one of the you know, doctors I worked with when I was in college said, grace, not everything's going to be fun. And I don't I don't agree. I think a lot of things can be fun. So what inspired me was, again, living from a place of self doubt and criticism and low self esteem to getting to a point where I felt, you know, confident, and I was waking up each day, actually enjoying, looking forward to the day. And I had like this, you know, newfound sense of self worth and self esteem, and I felt a sense of peace. I was like, I really need to share this, because I don't want anyone to live trapped in their the prison they create for themselves.

Greg Voisen
Well, tell our listeners a little bit about that prison. What was it? How did you get there, and then what face, you know, look, you faced all these significant challenges and toward your own personal growth. And so what was it like? How did you get into that? And what was the most pivotable moment that shifted your perspective on your life and led you to embrace and I'm going to say self love, self compassion, because if you can't love yourself, it's very hard to love anybody else in the world. That's right. And look, this is just, this is an axiom that everybody should know. Not everybody does know that. They think, oh, well, you know, I can beat up on myself and then I can be okay with my kids and my wife, but the reality is, you can't that's

true. That is so true. And our our internal landscape is really a reflection of what's going out on outside of us. So if we have a life full of chaos and and drama, that's only indicator of what's going on inside, which means if I don't have peace outside, in my outside world, I don't have peace within myself. And I didn't know that, you know, I was conditioned to believe that if I, you know, would strive for outside success, whatever that may look like. And in my case, it looked like, you know, get getting into a great career, having a nice home with a nice husband and a nice kids, and making that income, and having those things, you're going to be successful. And I had all of those things. I created all of those things, and I still felt exhausted. Well, not still. I felt exhausted. I felt disconnected. I felt like something was missing, like I had I achieved everything that you told me that I need to achieve on the outside, but I still felt like something was missing.

Greg Voisen
Yeah, it's interesting when you talk about the personal relationships not being as the way you would like for them to be, whether it was with your husband or with the kids or whatever. And the other thing is going toward that material element that many of us seek, that thinks it's going to bring us happiness, the big house, the big car. And it's been said twice to me today by two other podcasters, where I thought this was kind of unusual, that I got this all in one day. It says you never see the hearse going down the road with a U haul behind it. That's right. And the reality is, is that okay? Yeah, all of us have a lot of stuff. We got a lot of shit, right, and it's in our lives, and it takes up room and whatever. And I'm not telling people to get rid of it. I'm saying whatever the relationship you have with it, it isn't the thing that's bringing you happiness. And there's a big gap between happiness and success. In other words, you say, Oh, well, I'm successful. Okay, great, but are you happy? And you go, No, I'm miserable, but I'm successful, right? And so what I'm asking you is, you know you had this pivotal moment where you understood this. You woke up. You had a Satori experience. You found out I was one with everything. I woke up, the world looked different, right? And I knew there were things I had to do. What is it that grace did that ultimately ended up and you creating the happiness, regardless of if you had the stuff or not?

That's such a great question, because one of the most pivotal, you know, moments for me was when I went back because I started coaching side of the business nine years ago. So I went back to school to get coach certified, and I had a private session with one of my mentors, and I was really upset about something, and he said, Do you know who the most empowered person in the room is? And they said, No, I don't. He said, The most empowered person in the room is a person who takes nothing personal. He said, You're taking everything personal, and because you're taking everything personal, you're staying in a struggle. And I said, Oh, okay, okay, well, how am I not going to take you personal? He said, because it's not about you step back and get curious what's really going on in the situation. And then I started to learn like, whenever I would get activated or triggered or feel stressed in a situation or interaction with someone, I really did. I started to step back and get curious. Which took it I was internalizing, you know, the interactions, making it mean something about me, making it mean like I wasn't good enough, I wasn't important enough, I wasn't respected enough. And in reality, it really wasn't about me. It was I. He taught me how to get curious and, you know, turn the situation and get curious of what might be going on with that other person. So then I stopped internalizing the interactions I was having, making them about me and how I wasn't good enough, and that was really a game changer for me, because my entire I was taking things personal,

Greg Voisen
and we frequently we do and you know, Don Miguel Ruiz says in his book, basically, don't take anything personally, easier said than done, right? And so my question you is in in the world of psychology or the world of personal growth, frequently, this thing is called the shadow, right? The shadow, and I'm sure you've heard it, what was the shadow that grace was living with, that she was taking personally, or that she felt ashamed of or was missing? Because this is the pivotal moment for people listening the podcast as well. It's like we all have these shadows, and frequently we don't want to let people know what they are. But you did. You wrote a book about it, and a lot of people aren't going to be that vocal about it. So what would you say yours was? And then what did you do about it? Besides, as you said in the book, you know, being the person who's just neutral.

Well, you're right, like I had to really get honest with myself and bring a light and awareness to my own shadows. And I'm aware that one of my shadows is, you know, I have a fear of rejection and abandonment, and once I understood that, then all of the interactions I was having that would, you know, make me feel some type of way. I recognize that this person, you know, responding to me in that way activated the, you know, my core wound of feeling rejected and abandoned. So I had these expectations that, you know, these are the things you had to do for me to feel accepted and seen. So if you didn't meet my expect my un like I wouldn't communicate my expectations they would. I would just think, if you loved me, this is how you would respond to me. And so when I didn't get that response, I would feel, you know, rejected and abandoned. And then I would go into the, you know, the critical of I'm not being good enough.

Greg Voisen
So where did that come from, if you were to look in history, was it as a child with your parents? Was it as an adolescent with young men who did that to you? Was it in adulthood, or was it a combination of all of those that you finally just made this aha moment that woke up and said, Hey, I'm better than that. I don't need to have a fear of being rejected. I'm full as I am. I'm a wonderful soul, and I don't need to worry about if people reject me or not. Now that's, that's a big what 180 right? For sure, but, but you made that 180 that journey, and it was painful.

It was painful, it was painful, very painful. Because, you know, I was the oldest of five children, right? And as the oldest, you were the one that everyone you know went to. So I had, you know, this role in the family, and it and being the go to person was tied to my identity. And so when I started to make the shifts and detach from, you know, the stories I was telling myself to create healthier stories I had to detach from, you know, my family for a little while, for for me to be able to really step into just my own person, without having myself attached to the role of the oldest child of the person that's the go to person, the person that's you know, going to do everything for you, and so as a people pleaser and codependent, to detach from having people need you. That's scary, because that's my my worth was attached to being needed, and my worth how much I achieved.

Greg Voisen
And, you know, look, I've had some of these same issues myself. You have to stand up for yourself Absolutely. There are times I'm sure that you were like, really pissed off, because everybody comes to grace when they got a problem, and I'm the one that has to effing solve it, right? I've got to do something about it, and all I really would like to do right now is have some fun. You said it a minute ago. Fun. It can be fun. It doesn't have to be this burden. So a theme in your book is gratitude forgiveness, right? And you found out that gratitude was transformative, but you have to become gratitude. You can't just write in a gratitude journal and say, I'm grateful. You have to become grateful. Forgiveness is freedom, as you talked about in the book, but it plays a big role in the book. And forgiveness is really forgiving you for self and then forgiving others who acted the way they did. Call it self compassion. Call it forgiveness the you know you then wrote a story about yourself as a result of that, and you write about breaking free from the limiting beliefs that actually molded themselves around it and the negative narratives. How would you tell the listeners to rewrite their freaking story and tell themselves that they're okay to be themselves?

Well, you know, as children, we have an incredible imagination, and we're carefree and we're fun, and we're, you know, very spirited. And so what I would invite the listeners to do is to really have fun with this exercise. And, you know, definitely get a notebook and sit, sit in a quiet place, and pick an area of your life that may not be working for you, and really get honest with yourself. Okay, what are the current stories that you're telling yourself in this area of your life? And then what would the story like rewrite the story you are the author. What would you want instead? What is your desire? And just play with it and have fun with it. Because, honestly, our mind doesn't know the difference between reality and our imagination, and so that's where I say, you know, be childlike and start playing with your imagination like you're a child and dream big, like whatever. For example, if you know someone is looking for their dream partner, however, the story they're telling themselves is, I'm never going to meet that person. Well, how are you going to meet that person? If that's the story you're telling yourself, well, why don't we start, you know, playing and be imaginative. I am going to meet you know, my my dream person and and this is what they're going to be like. Just play with it. Just use your imagination and start there. Just make it fun.

Greg Voisen
I think writing it down like you're prompting people in the book to do right, asking self reflective questions, right? Like you help them through in the book, that's important, and that is one of the starting points, is to actually start journaling it, writing it down, as you said. Now, one of the things that you talked about in the money the book was money and self worth, right? Us two distinctly different things, self worth and money are not correlated. You don't have to have money to have self worth, and you when you have self worth, you can have it without money. That's what I'm trying to say. But you connected self worth with financial success. Can you share how changing your beliefs about money impacted your life and your success?

Well, I had a belief that I had to really work very hard to earn and deserve, you know, the income that I created it, which meant I would burn out that I was working, you know very long hours. However, that's not true. I mean, how many of us know many people we all have the same 24 hours in the day. So it doesn't matter how you know hard you work, it's just matters about your beliefs. And so what I didn't also realize was that money was tied to my self worth because I felt like I had to earn it to deserve it. That's tied to my worth. So I don't have to, you know, deserve it. You know, I was created in the image of our Almighty Creator, and he wants us all to be abundant,

Greg Voisen
you know it it's interesting to say that because there are some similar patterns between you and me, and I think probably 1000s of the listeners out there. You know, I grew up in a household. My mother was Jewish, my father was Catholic, but my mother was the one that really was the influencer. In other words, okay, what did you do for me today? What did you do today? As a matter of fact, she used to, we would have a conversation almost every day, and she'd say, How much money did you earn today? Right now? Get that here you have a person that's asking you how much money you earn. So until I loved my mother for who she was, and said that was okay. That was the way she was brought up. That's not the way I have to believe it. Now, I did believe it for a long time, and really it still creeps in today, until I catch myself, because it's look it's a programming as Joe Dispenza says, you know, are you going to take the floppy disk out? You can't take the whole floppy disk out. You have to work with it and kind of reprogram it and and you, your book is as much about reprogramming this stuff as anybody's now. Yeah, you talk about this role of surrender. You write about the power of surrender. So the question might be, in my case, what I was just saying is, am I going to surrender to that and trusting the universe? That's what you just said a second ago. How can the listeners surrender and have it lead to greater freedom and alignment in their life. Because I can tell you, there are a lot of people hanging on to that stuff that's following in the the U haul behind the hearse.

Yes, yes, right.

Greg Voisen
And in your case, if you were butt naked and didn't have any money, would you still have your self worth?

Absolutely, I would have my self worth. Now. Would I be, you know, excited to be butt naked, and you know, of course not, however, and that's something I constantly work on, like, really grounding myself in in my worth, and surrendering meaning, just letting go and accepting what is and being open to more. So I used to think that, okay, well, just surrender meant just ex, you know, like, what, like, accept it in a way that it's not going to get better, but that's not what Surrender means. It means I surrender. I accept where I am, and I'm open to better and more. It's basically just let go, letting go and trusting that everything will unfold. Because we're so used to wanting to control the outcome, which is understandable, you know, because many of us feel safe when we're, you know, trying to control something, when, in reality, we really don't have control over very much, except on how we respond to situations. Well,

Greg Voisen
yeah, and I was reminded by a podcast earlier with Dr Rao this morning, and it's an interesting thing. It was, I'm not going to tell the whole story, because my listeners can go listen to it, but it's as simple as this. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't right, meaning like maybe it was good, maybe it was bad. And the reality is, I don't have control. There's that old prayer that we can God grant us the ability to understand what we can change and what we can't right? I paraphrased it wrong. But the reality is, is that, yes, much of what goes on in our life, we do not have control over, right? And we have to accept it for what it is. It's the lessons we learn from it. And this brings up something that you speak about, which is imagination. And you emphasize the importance of imagination. And I believe that imagination, for many people, there used to be a show on, and you might even remember this, and maybe you don't, but Art Linkletter and he used to say the kids say the damnedest things, because Art Linkletter used to interview these kids around their imagination, and it's been said many times by scientists and psychologists at study that right around five years old, six years old, We lose our imagination. We've now been programmed into a world of complying with what others want from us. How would you recommend people re access that imagination that was always there but left them because they were playing by the rules of society of what the culture wanted from them.

I mean, we're constantly using our imagination. You know, if you're at your desk right now and you saw almost lunch time, and you're thinking of where you'd like to have lunch, or what you'd like to have for lunch, you're using your imagination. And I think maybe sometimes we overthink, you know, things so if you feel like you've lost, like you said, like we lose the playful imagination, lose the fun part of it, the creativity, the creativity and where I would, you know, recommend you start if you feel like you've lost, that is, start with something, you know, small, like I said, you know, thinking about what you want to have for lunch, that's using your imagination. And so now, thinking about, like I used earlier, what would be your dream, you know, partner, just thinking that's you thinking about those qualities that's using your imagination. What would you want your ideal business to look like thinking about those principles, that's using your imagination. So we really are using our imagination all of the time, but we may not be using it in a playful, creative way.

Greg Voisen
Well, whether it's imagining a perfect business or a perfect partner or a perfect environment for you to live in, it's good to access that creativity and that curiosity, right? Curiosity relies up here, right in the frontal lobe, not over here, right? And so I think that's really important. And you know your book is going to have an impact on readers if they read the book. But what do you hope readers will take away from Can I live and how do you want it to impact their lives or change or transform their lives for the better?

So I I started therapy when I was 19 years old, in secret, because that was taboo. That's not something that you would do. And I saw that same lady for 25 years, and 10 years ago, when I started my coaching career, I let her know I'm going to become a coach, and she said, I just want to be transparent with you, and I apologize if I offend you, but when I met you, when you were 19 years old, I didn't believe that there was any hope left for you. So what I would like the audience to take away is, regardless of your circumstances, you can absolutely create a life that you love, a fabulous life, a life that you look forward to, waking up to every day, regardless of your circumstances.

Greg Voisen
And I think that's really a mindset and a belief you have to have a knowing that you can create, that I frequently say, and you probably do as well. Beliefs, our beliefs, they can change. Yes, can change a belief about something, right? Absolutely. But if we have a knowing meaning, it's within our heart. It's a big T, it's the big truth for us, we stand on that foundation that's one of our values. It's like, This is who I am. This is what I stand for. This is my purpose. And in so doing, you create for the individuals who are reading your book a way out from the quagmires, the challenges and so on to something of and I love the word you used hope, but hope and imagination for a better future. I think our our candidate this year, Kamala, used hope a lot, but she was talking about the hope. Let's have better hope for the future. Let's work together. So you say personal legacy, how do you see your personal growth and the lessons from the book influencing your future projects and goals. Now this is back to you, Grace. So I know our listeners, hey, it's like, hey, I can pick this book up and read it, and I literally can come away with an inspiration. And I say for many of our listeners and watchers on YouTube, if you take one thing away from this podcast and that helps you change your life and transform it positively, it was worth the 40 minutes listening to Grace and I So Grace, this is your opportunity to help people actually find that gem. Where might that gem be in your estimation of all of your travels and journeys and trials and tribulations and life ups and downs and sideways and whatever that you've been through, what is one or two of the nuggets that's like, this is true no matter what for me,

Wow, okay, I'm going to go there. This is true no matter what for me, to be connected to myself and a power greater than me and whatever each person wants to call it universe, God, source. So that's huge for me. It's just being connected to a power greater than me and trusting that no matter what, everything is going to be okay. I know that to be a true 100% not only for myself, but I'm just going to go on the lip and say it for every person, okay, power greater than you.

Greg Voisen
I totally understand that, and I hope the listeners really heard you, because if you have a knowing that you're going to be okay, that no matter what is in turmoil around you, right? It's like the tornado, and at the eye of their tornado is this calm, and the outside is all this chaos going on. You know, many of the people, listeners out there, through this last few months, have been dealing with all this chaos. You notice that it's come down to a level of calmness at this point, we're not seeing as much chaos, because many people were into this divisiveness around the political stance that the country was the division of the country. What I'm hoping and praying for is that people will come together now in some level of unity regardless. But let's take that on a personal level. Let's say this chaos is going on around us, but we feel like we're in the chaos. What would you tell people to get to the center of the storm so that it's calm?

I mean, I've been dealing with chaos. You know, the last you know, 14, 1214, months outside we, most of us, have, and that's why it's been so important for me to find calm in the storm. And the way that I do that is I retreat, and I find myself getting grounded through meditation and prayer. I mean, that's, that's truth.

Greg Voisen
I mean, that's that's all really meditation, mindfulness, prayer, whatever it is that actually recharges your engine is important. So look,

you, you know the God of your understanding,

Greg Voisen
yeah? Well, you've become a role model for what would be titled resilience and self discovery, right? And what advice would you give the listener today that's just starting this journey toward living a life of authenticity? They may may may not even have known they weren't living authentically, but they had this epiphany that to find radical wholeness, took this epiphany that they were one with everything, that God isn't separate, that we all are one. God is in everything I am in God. God is within me. What would you tell people to have that understanding? Because it's a it's a challenging one for people to put their head around.

For sure, for sure. It's a challenging one for people to put their head around. The first thing that I would say that, like, it's okay not to be okay. Like, our message is in the mess. No one is perfect, and when you can just really sit down and get honest with yourself about your life. Like, feel into the guilt, feel into the shame, feel into the fear, feel into all of it. Like, put your cards on the table. Like, okay, I am, you know, I did this, and I this is where I'm a mess, and my relationships are here, and once you just put it all out there, just get it out. There's what's there's every there's, nothing that anyone else hasn't been through. Just get honest with yourself, put it out there, not you know, just out honest with yourself, and then from there, you start rebuilding. That's all I say. Just be honest with yourself, cuz you're worthy no matter what. Right.

Greg Voisen
Well, honesty is, that's a big one, because, as you said, we can live in a world of making stuff up and believing what we made up and live up the made up life well, which is not the authentic life. In other words, it's like, it's like, look at, I don't know if I mentioned this year, but I Byron Katie used to say she was on the show. Is it true? That's right, and really true? The question then becomes, hey, people get out in front of the audience with her. And I'm mentioning this because this is I've been to some of her workshops, and she's been on the show, but she basically said, call somebody up in front of the office. What's going on? I have a horrible relationship. I want to divorce my husband. Oh, okay, so is your husband really that bad? And then she'd say, stop and think, Is it true? No, he's really not that bad, exactly, right? Then you say, Well, is it really true? No, it's really not true. I mean, whatever. And so she would heal people's relationships right there in the audience as a result of asking questions, is that true or not? Right? Exactly,

I love Byron Katie, and it's that's so true. Just, you know, is it really that bad? But you know, we have so much, you know, society tells us there's a certain way that we have to be, and then we internalize, you know, those messages, and if we're not there, or if we've made a mistake, or it's just put it out like is again, like it's okay not to be okay. We're all a mess. Our message is in that

Greg Voisen
moment, I love it. Well, you are so authentic, dear. And for all of you out there, this is Grace. Redman, this is her book. Whoops. Can I live question? You certainly can. She's found out a way to do that and overcome many personal obstacles, uh, professional obstacles as well. Please go pick up the book. Go to Grace Redman com. There you can learn more about her coaching services and what she's doing. She also runs a outplaced. Was it a placement

business? Yeah, staffing firm and I have a coaching side of the business too. So

Greg Voisen
if you reach out to her, check her out there too. But again, go to Grace Redman com. Please reach out to her and let her know that you enjoyed the podcast. Also reach out to her. If you're interested in any of our services, and especially if you're in that San Mateo slash area of San Francisco, please reach out to her. Grace honor having you on stay to you. Thank you for being on the show and gracing our presence and having us have you as a guest, it was, it was truly wonderful. Thank

you, Greg, thank you so much for having me. It was a gift. I appreciate you.

Greg Voisen
You're quite welcome.