Greg Voisen
Welcome back to Inside Personal Growth. This is Greg Voisen, the host of Inside Personal Growth. And I want to thank all my listeners, Coline, for joining us today. And Coline is joining us from Lyon, France, and I've been there. And not only do they have good mustard, but they've got good chocolates there as well. Good day! Good day to you, Coline. How are you?

Coline Monsarrat
Hi, Greg! I'm very good. Thank you so much for having me today.

Greg Voisen
Well, thank you and Happy New Year and we're here to speak about her new book You Are Not an Imposter: but the subtitle is probably as important. Overcoming Impostor Syndrome: Unlock Your True Potential So You Can Thrive in Life. And Coline has done that. And I'm going to tell a little bit about Coline Monsarrat. She's passionate about helping others overcome obstacles and fostering self awareness for personal growth. Born with genetic disease, she faced her fair share of challenges which we're going to get into and talk about, which has shaped her perspective on thriving, determining to empower others. She wrote her book as a guide to understanding the barriers that hinder personal progress. Through our work, Coline emphasizes the importance of self awareness as a catalyst for growth. I just got a bachelor's degree in psychology from the University of Louisiana at Monroe. Coleen initially pursued a career career in global luxury perfume industry, however, longing for more meaningful vacation led her embark on a journey to make a positive impact on young minds. She currently is residing, as we said, and Lyon, France. And she dedicates herself to writing the next exciting adventures. And then she's got these middle grade book series called Ari and lamb. She launched in 2022, this series has captured the hearts of young readers, provoking them with relatable characters, and thought provoking storytelling. Well, for somebody who's dyslexic, you're doing pretty good. Here's the book. Go go out and get a copy of this, we're gonna put a link on Amazon for all of my listeners. Well, let's just start this off, you know, in the preface of the book, you speak about your mother, and what she said to you when you're six years old, and you actually have the quote, kind of embedded at the top of the page that triggered your imposter syndrome. Could you speak with the listeners today about how this incident with your mother changed your life as well as speak what happened to you in 2020? Which was a pretty major event for anybody to break free from the change of the imposter syndrome.

Coline Monsarrat
Yes. So what is like, where everything started, it's my imposter syndrome. As for a lot of people studied when I was young, but until 2020, he didn't fully realize I was just wearing the mask and going through my life pushing, pushing through, and just being completely blind. And in 2020, the universe decided to finally make me understand my mistakes and, like, make me learn my lessons more because I truly believe we need to make mistakes in life to votes. It was my time and 2020, the year of COVID, for a lot of people. For me, cooking was just the back story. The year started, like, in January, like exactly four years ago, actually, I was living it. I started the year, saying to my son, this is gonna be the best year I'm gonna finally get this raise at work. I'm gonna manage to go up the layer again. When Little did I know, January third, a fever strikes me and it will be the beginning of the rest of my life, literally. I've been, as you said, living with a genetic disease since I was born. But for me, this genetic disease was really pretty much like some kind of allergy I refuse to see it as something big. It was really the origin of my imposter syndrome. And so when I started to a fever, I just kept pushing through. And so I found out during the space of three weeks that in fact, it was a sepsis, and I wasn't doing sepsis shock. And the genetic disease I thought was completely burry like non existing and it led me to lose one of my organs and my pancreas, leading me to become type one diabetic and A lot of other issues that comes with it. And at this moment, I really found myself in a fork in my life, I have two choices, either to watch live and saying our infirmities out and just that I have to go through this, or that I'm sick, and just like pretty much deny everything, then I'm leaving, I'll take the decision to realize how the heck did I end up in this situation? And I chose this path. And that's when I say, Listen, Colin, you cannot go within a space of a month from losing pretty much everything in your life, and not try to see what is the meaning behind it. And that's when I suddenly like one day, this moment with my mother when I was six. He like, went back in my head, like came back as memory. And I could see myself lying in bed at six. And with my mother telling me calling you don't need to lie to not go to school. And back then I was not diagnosed, nobody knew what I had. And the problem was genetic disease. If your parents didn't declare it and developed it, it's very hard for doctors to realize there is something wrong. And so just for the viewer, I've got pancreatitis, so it's very painful disease. But when you are six, people don't believe you, when you can start to get sick, sick, like three months, in the year. And they say, Okay, it's a stomach bug, but it's kind of weird. Like during summer to be sick, you have brothers and sisters are not sick like that. And so my mother and the doctors like everyone, and I don't blame them. Because honestly, when you're a kid, you tend to overreact for things. So they thought I was lying. And back then, I decided I took my first decision that will lead me to the path of imposter syndrome. Because nobody wanted to believe me, I decided to lie and say exactly what was the symptom of a stomach bug, just to make them believe me. But by doing so, I over amplify the fact to feel like an impostor. Because yes, I could go home. So I could lay in bed and not, like try to diminish the pain. But I was feeling so guilty. And I started to doubt really early on. Like, maybe I'm just making a fast, I've got nothing, nobody can diagnose me. I've got nothing. And so until even my diagnosis at 14 years old, didn't erase because I spent so many years thinking like this, that it became my persona.

Greg Voisen
Yeah, what are you? You say? You mentioned in the book, that it estimated that 70% of all people suffer from impostor syndrome at some point in their life. Can you define what impostor syndrome is and speak to the listeners about some techniques or psychological things that can be done to allow them to release this issue, because in your case, you were sick, but people didn't believe you were sick, that you would tell him that. And then you would tell him more of a fabrication to get him to believe that you were really sick. I think in that case, it's a little different, but talk about it, if you would the imposter syndrome, and ways for people to deal with it.

Coline Monsarrat
So when you feel like an imposter, it's you pretty much feeling like a fraud. But it's what I realized when I did my research is we often talk about work, but it can also come up in other areas of your life. For example, you can feel like an imposter as parents, like people can praise you for your parenting skills. And in fact, when you just feel useless, and that you are the worst parents in the world. So it can really come from different areas of your life. And you even if people are telling you that you succeed in succeeding, you're doing well. You're seen as an expert, you don't believe them. So it's a coping mechanism. It's really a mask. And in life, we were as humans, we wear a lot of masks. And it's my personal belief that the purpose of life is to remove all masks we use to cover up our souls, in fact, and so it's a coping mechanism. And in childhood, as you said, I was sick but also one of the routes we see even if it you can have a lot of different routes. It's often to have perfectionist parents, for example, or come from very highly competitive and viral environments. So when you are putting competition with other kids, are you more likely to develop this syndrome or if also Will type A personality really perfectionist people tend to develop it. Because the more perfectionist you are, the more likely you're going to say my work is not perfect. So no, I'm not good at my work. Even if people are telling you otherwise, for you, it's not good enough. And you're just wondering when everyone is going to wake up and see how much fraud you are. And so you will have a tendency to sabotage yourself and sabotage your career. And that's why I think we see it more in the professional settings, because it's easier to see how someone is actually sabotaging themselves than in personal life. And you know,

Greg Voisen
that that concept of perfectionism? I hate to say it between the sexes, but I think women have more of an issue with perfectionism. And you wrote about it in the book than men do. And I'm not saying men don't, I'm just saying, I think it is more prevalent in the female gender gap. Yeah.

Coline Monsarrat
You know, it's very interesting, because it has a lot to do with societal issues. We not raised the same way. And I think now it's changing with new generation. And I think that's why men now are struggling a lot. Because when, like, my generation, and the ones before, when we were young, we knew that our mother didn't have the same rights than us. So we got pushed, we were always like, my mother, and I, all my girlfriend, I know it's the same, we're always told, your place on this earth is not guaranteed, especially at work, you're going to fight for it, you're going to need to be perfect to manage to get it. While for men, it was not the same type of education, because they were just saying, Oh, you will find a job, you will raise, like, go up the rank, it was a little bit already owned, you know. And so we were educated in a very, I think, different way that men, so I'm not so sure it's something that is biological. I think it's more something, something that has to do with society. And now I'm doing the research about actually, the competition between women. And it's super interesting, because in fact, and I found the same data when I wrote the book, woman tend to be ushered towards other women than men tend to be much more judgmental. And it will, like a lot of researcher now are saying that it might come from an evolutionary traits. That's we add scarce resources. And so we didn't see the word as abundance. And so if he gets it, I cannot get it.

Greg Voisen
I see. So it's a scarcity mentality. Well, you know, if you would, for the listeners, you know, differentiate for them between genuine self-doubt, and the imposter syndrome. You know, there's a point where all of this becomes harmful, obviously, harmful to themselves, and also harmful to the people, that there be a being an impostor, too. But how do you differentiate between genuine self doubt and impostor? Yes.

Coline Monsarrat
So to start off, I want to really amplify that I think that a small amount of impostor syndrome or self doubt is necessary in life. Because otherwise, you can just become blind, and just rush into a wall without realizing your mistake. And that like everything in life, there is a spectrum. And it's when you close, the healthy boundary of the spectrum that it's become becomes harmful. And self doubt is today, the cause of so many issues in society, because when you doubt yourself, first, you're going to be harmful to yourself, for example, you can get into relationships that are more likely to be abusive, you're not going to achieve your true potential because you're going to be scared to actually take risk and move forward because you're doubting yourself too much. And you have countless examples. When you have self doubt, you don't live fully. It's impossible to leave as per your soul. When you have self doubt. You just leave as per your fear. And the more you fear something, the more the universe is going to throw out you events where you're going to have to confront it. So it's very important to recognize it. And I think most people who really live with the true mental self doubt, they realize they have an issue. It's one of the things where I knew I was not like My beliefs were arming myself. But I needed to live something very crazy and go through almost dying to actually say to myself, Okay, now I need to change because it's so comforting for your brain to say I as it is, well, how do you?

Greg Voisen
How do you take this cloak off the mask, you call it the mask, I'll call it a cloak. Because, you know, it doesn't matter if you're male or you're female, you're dealing with a, an ego, which frequently is saying you're not enough. And when you're not enough, that's all about self doubt. Because you always have to be better, you need to strive for your perfectionism. You need to do more, you didn't get straight A's, you know, all the things that you heard, which everybody lives with, that isn't just, you know, women, it's women and men. But if we're going to unlock the potential, you say, overcoming this imposter syndrome, we need to work on that for our personal growth. What is it that you would tell people, how you were able to take your mask off, and face the world as the true Coleen as she is today versus who she was? Who knows, 10 years ago, 20 years ago,

Coline Monsarrat
I face my fear. And I think the fear we all have is actually to be truly self aware, not just like, Oh, I'm self aware of what I eat, like, truly self aware of your thoughts. And one of the trick I like to say that people don't usually want to listen is I, I think we really see how we see yourself when we judge others. When you find yourself judging someone about a subject, you can be sure it's something you report to yourself. So writing down your thoughts and know why you feel this way. For example, if you say to yourself, I'm not enough. Why do you think, think that list all all the events where you think you're not enough, put your journal down, come back two days later, and read it as if it was someone from the outside, because we are so good to help our friends see the flows in them, that we are less good to see it in ourselves. And I think the important parts that people miss, it's to not blame themselves. It's okay, we are all human. Nobody's perfect. And first, what is perfection, nobody can give a definition because perfection for you might be different than for me. So it's completely stupid to strive for, for this divine perfection.

Greg Voisen
I like I like what you said about writing it down, and then revisiting it a couple of days later, and really asking yourself, Is it true? I think what happens is we have a tendency to make stuff up. And then we believe what we made up. And then we spend a lot of our life undoing what we made up, which was the belief we had about it. And so we work on it. And I like your thoughts here. You said, you mentioned that taking things too, personally, was one of your main hobbies. Someone made a comment to you or something, and you would take it very personally, you state you believe that this is the most common symptom of the imposter syndrome. What advice do you have for the listeners? about not taking what others think of them, too, personally? And also, how can people control the voice inside their head? That repeat? Okay, they're not enough. Yeah.

Coline Monsarrat
So when you're feeling like a fraud or like an imposter, of course, if you see people speaking together, and maybe like, Glenside, you you're gonna think they're speaking about you, because you're just waiting for someone to be a mask. But you might be the mind, men character of your own life, you're not the main character in other people's life. So it's the first thing to realize. And after, it's very difficult, I think, to develop the ability to take criticism, not personally. And that is the main issue that will fuel your imposter syndrome. Because if someone dares to criticize a part of your work, you're not distinguishes, like you're working on yourself, you are not your work. So this is the first thing. So when someone gives you a judgment that what you've done, you need to realize and repeat to yourself because what you say to yourself is going to manifest after into your own life. So you need to realize this is like just work. Yeah, I might have done better and go over it. Like get let go of it. And sometimes you will have people who attacked you for no reason. Since, and it's just in this case, a reflection of their own fear. Because humans often do that when you like, next time you fight with someone, you analyze from the outside, what you reproach to the other person, mostly, it's gonna be something you've done yourself, and you feel ashamed the doubts, so never forget that other projects, their fears into you, and you project as well. So being self aware, it's on a daily basis, when stuff like this happen, stop yourself and realize, and brush it off last, like, don't blame yourself, life is yours. Up, you will make it it's okay to make mistakes. And so

Greg Voisen
I think it's important. Coline, you mentioned something about you didn't say it. But as you were speaking, I was sensing it's more of the spiritual energetic fields that we carry around. And because you've said this many times about what we think about we will become, and I think it's so important that you check in with yourself to see it's like, if there was an observer above you looking at you, what would they think of your actions during the day if they saw who it was? And then replay that tape about your day? And if that tape isn't who you want to be? What are you going to do to change who you are? In other words, if that videotape, showed back, hey, I was angry, I was frustrated, I wasn't a good person. I was doing things out of fear. You know, what are you going to do to change that? And I and I liked this one. You know, you stated the imposter syndrome is characterized by thoughts, and we've been talking about this, I'm not worthy, I don't deserve this. What advice would you have for people that are truly dealing with low self esteem, meaning they're just like, you know, they've been beat up. And they're at the bottom of the heap.

Coline Monsarrat
So if we take back the journal, like, once you have read in because I'm not worth it, it's safe. It's comes back also self doubt, it's the same mechanism. And you're, it's a story you say to yourself, because usually you have no proof, you are fabricating the proof you have when you faced an event, and if for example, someone rejected you, you slow it as reject, while maybe the person is someone else in their life, like anything, you interpreted a certain way, we perceive events a certain way. So you need to revise it. And I like a formation to rewrite a next to I'm not worthy, I am enough, but your action needs to follow. It's the same that the Enagic shield, if you do your affirmation every day, I am enough, I am enough. But the next day you do like you act the way that you show to others that you don't respect yourself, you will never change. You need really to associate the brain like the message, the affirmation you give to your brain with your action. Your action needs to match your word. And I think this is something people don't do often. Because it's so hard to actually change your behavior. I can, it's quite easy to watch the mirror and say, I'm enough. It's more difficult in the area of life to stand up.

Greg Voisen
I don't know this for a fact. But I would make an assumption that they've lived so long with the imposter syndrome that they believe that's who they really are. So it's hard to break. It's hard to break through to even know who the real person is. Right? Yeah. So. So when they do start to see part of that, there is kind of a fear of moving toward it. Because there is things happening to you in your life, that you don't even understand why they're happening, meaning good things, right. And you would think, Oh, I'd be eager to have that happen. But they're so used to having bad things happen to them. That, you know, it's it's a challenge, but once they get there, and I think this is where this next question goes, is you have a whole chapter in the book dedicated to the use of people pleasing. Right. And here's one of the part of this syndrome. What would you say to people who are listening right now, to develop the courage and I think that's the word. Yeah. The courage to say what they think and have their opinion heard. Because I think there's a total blockage or fear from being misunderstood if I really was saying what I thought

Coline Monsarrat
Yeah, and also the for me people pleasing was the hardest because it's, it is an application of your self worth. So when you have low self esteem, you doubt yourself, you're gonna look for love. So for you people pleasing is the way for them to love you. So they don't love you for yourself for who you are, but you have the impression they love you. So that's why it's so hard to break. And that's why it takes really bravery. But you need to stand up because first it is not your business to fix others you are on, you have enough issues. Focused on yourself, you have this is not your job to deal with karmic debt of other this is a personal belief. And if you focus on other 90 D also, because you don't want to look at yourself, it's easy, when we are really busy helping others. We are rewarded, because we think people love us we do good into this world. But do we really, because during this time, we should better work on ourselves. And instead try to become a better person to truly be able to help someone else. And the problem was people pleasing, it's gonna feel so uncomfortable to say no, because your only way to get over it, it's through action. You cannot manage it through a formation. So you're gonna go to the arena. And the first time it's going to be very hard for you to say no, and people are going to react, usually, in a surprise way, because there's so use for you to say yes, all the time, that they're going to be taken aback. So they're going to try to push you into going back to people pleasing. But you're gonna need to stand your ground. And even odd it is to start with, the more you do something, the easier it gets. And when I want to be clear, I'm not saying that you should never help others. And I truly believe we live in a community. And it's a good thing. We all help each other. But if someone never arrives when you only like the Punchbowl of the office, wake up, that was my case, really? Everyone was running into me. And it's after it fits overwhelming. It can lead to burnout and to resentment. Because the worst is, you don't want to say yes. So you start feeling resentful towards other which are vibration that we bring you down. So well,

Greg Voisen
it also it makes you angry, because a lot of times you know you're doing things for other people, but you're ignoring the things you want to do for yourself. So you're always like the call it the caregiver. Right. But for people who probably don't even need care, but they're just abusing the relationship. You know, and there's a word that has been used for years is they're like, they're almost like leeches, they're sucking everything out of you. And all they want is more and more and more of you, then you have to be brave to break that and say no, you can't keep using me using would be the word because that it's a two way street. You know, we're living in this rapidly changing world. And we're learning new skills is kind of really a constant always having to learn something new, which is good. That's why I do this show. How can one balance the feeling of being a novice, as you said, and not fall into the trap of the imposter syndrome? Because we all have to start somewhere to learn something new. That doesn't mean we're going to be an expert at it right away. We're probably going to be need some time to develop the skill. How do you help somebody who's starting out either in a job, or maybe somewhere else in life, where they're learning something completely new, and they don't fall into that impostor syndrome by telling lies and saying I know it all.

Coline Monsarrat
So it's totally normal to feel like an imposter, as you say, when you start a job. But when you need to realize it's everyone starts somewhere. So you cannot be an expert and start at the lower level at the beginning. So you need to accept the fact that you're going to be a trainee for some times and learn what when it becomes dangerous when after sometimes and you have managed to develop some expertise and you've got great feedback coming in, to still feel like an impostor. When people are telling you that you're doing well. And that's you succeeding you might go up and you don't want to believe them that you're actually doing well. That is a red flag. Because usually humans are not good to give you compliments the adults really believe, especially in work settings. So you can pretty much trust, like they have no interest to tell you that if it's not the case, for business, they will never do that. So at the moment, if you start to feel like a fraud, question yourself, it always comes back to self awareness, and how you perceive the world around you. And you always see yourself as a human that will grow, that would thrive, that will do mistakes, because if you never make mistakes in life, it means you never took risk, right?

Greg Voisen
You and you have to read what you have to risk to grow. As a matter of fact, there's you need to be uncomfortable to grow. And all of this is being uncomfortable. And I can see Coline, where you've been uncomfortable to break free from this to do this. I see somebody who's very vibrant, who's very outgoing, who's very enthusiastic about life, that's you I'm talking about. And it's good to see even somebody who's come through, you know, this living without a pancreas who would think that you could do that, right. But I want to tell my listeners go get you are not an impostor. And I want to ask you this last question, as we wrap up this interview, if you were to leave the listeners with three takeaways from the book, that they could start applying, put into their life every day, or immediately, also, speak about the free resources you have at the website, which is you're not an imposter.com. And there's a lot of resources there. There's articles to read, there's things that people can get. And I think you've done an excellent job at your website of providing these resources. So what are the three things you would like to tell them to live with? And then what are some of the resources they can get from your website? Yeah,

Coline Monsarrat
so for me, my Moodle is the reception us of the events that happen to us will determine the quality of your life. So a lot of people told me how unlucky I was for everything I've been through. And I laugh, because I am one of the luckiest person because this event taught me more than most people will learn in their lifetime. And this is a choice you make every day, when you decide to see blame, external event for everything that happened to you. Or if you decide to be the author of your life, and take responsibility for the good and for the bad for both of them. And this is, I think, the most important thing you can do in life, and never blame yourself. Never really blame yourself, you're just a human. Everyone is in the same boat. Even though a lot of people are faking it, let's be quite honest. You have your place on Earth, you are as much on title to leave, and the person next to you. So I feel them yourself and discover your true soul. Because if you leave as per your ego, you will never really leave.

Greg Voisen
True. And I think what you are encouraging people to do is not abandon who they are the true essence. You're asking them to add an element of freedom into their life that's associated with the psychological bent that's going on up here, removing that psychological framework and replacing it with a new one. Right? And that's what's important is, how do we you know, get that new one in there, right? Because you said the subconscious. I know for myself, I've been many times to hypnotherapist for my subconscious. And I actually believe what's going on inside of the, you know, you've got a right hemisphere, left hemisphere, you've got to make the law. If you really look at the the neuro plasticity of our brains, it's huge. We can change it at any age, you can change and you can adopt this so you're I don't care if I'm talking to somebody 20 years old, or 80 years old. It's you can change and the things that you're saying Coleen are so true. And I want my listeners to know, go to www you're not an imposter.com You are not an imposter.com. That's YOUARUNOTAN I m POS t er.com. Go to that website. Here's where you can get a book on Amazon. Get a copy of this book, and read it and read it with an open mind that you can release some of this energy that holding you back, both emotionally and physically. And I think Coline has gone through it. sure a lot of this is a memoir about her her journey. And I think it's a really important one to know, because she's faced so much adversity and been able to get to the other side. Coline, a pleasure having you on inside personal growth. Any parting words?

Coline Monsarrat
Thank you so much, Greg. And I wish everyone to remove the mask and live fully, authentically with themselves because everyone has a beautiful soul.

Greg Voisen
I agree with you. Thanks for being on Inside Personal Growth. I appreciate it.

Coline Monsarrat
Thank you, Greg.