[00:01.8]
Well, welcome back to Inside Personal Growth. This is Greg Voice and the host of Inside Personal Growth. And joining me, Todd, where are you at today? I never know. You get around a lot. I'm at Foxborough. Hi, Greg, Foxborough, Massachusetts. Okay, so we're going to be talking about Finding Happiness.

[00:20.3]
This is Todd's book. And I also want to hold up his workbook, too, because both of these, as I've said before, are downloadable at his website for absolutely no cost because he wants to help make as many people happy as possible.

[00:38.3]
And this book, Finding Happiness, One Man's Quest to Beat Depression and Anxiety and finally Let the Sun Shine in, was co authored with Howard J. Rankin, Ph.D. as well. Well, Todd, welcome back to the show again. Thank you for taking this time to be on and talk about happiness.

[00:57.8]
As you and I have discussed, the loneliness epidemic is really, really a big challenge. And I want you to kind of tell the listeners your story, how this became such a passion for you to attempt to help as many people find happiness as possible.

[01:18.3]
Because I think if they hear it from you, you describe yourself as the cheap happiness officer. I'd love for you to tell them and why you're so committed to this, Greg. It's always great to be on your show. You know, I grew up, and I was always very embarrassed with the things that I did.

[01:39.4]
For example, I, went to a prom that a woman invited me to, and I actually wore boots, work boots. And then I pulled out the chair, and she, sat right on the floor. Boy, was I embarrassed. And I was bullied by a girl in high school.

[01:58.4]
I came home almost every night to sleep at home when I was in college because I was so homesick. Now I know that over half of the students in high school. Can we start again? Go ahead, go ahead.

[02:15.3]
95% of the students in their first year in college are homesick. Boy, do I wish I had known that back then. So, yeah, so I came out of. See, I'm having trouble looking at the, the, point.

[02:36.3]
Just be natural. Just, you're, you're fine. Just. Yeah, but don't look this way. Try and look at that thing kind of, if anything, turn your chair a little bit. Okay. Yeah, there you go. All right. So I came, I came out of college, and I still was a perfectionist.

[02:52.5]
What happened is there were a lot of bullies in my life. As I said, there was a woman, who actually bullied me all throughout high school, and, boy, did it affect me. So I became a perfectionist. I felt if I could get straight A's and the bullies got Cs or Bs, I'd beat them and have a better career.

[03:10.8]
Came out of college, went into the family business, worked really hard and was tremendously successful. But the perfectionism caused me to work 70, 80 hours a week. And eventually I burnt out. And I had a terrible nervous breakdown at the age of 36.

[03:27.1]
At the time, I wanted to kill myself. And it was really, really rough. And then I had to look at myself and I said, I've got everything in life. I've got all the money in the world that I could possibly want. Got a wonderful son, a wonderful, wife, and here I am.

[03:43.3]
I wanted to kill myself. So I really had to ask myself, you know, how can I change? I need to make a difference in my life. So that's really what the book and the workbook are about. Well, and. And it's so important today, Todd. You know, as people move through life, I think we're.

[04:00.8]
We're like doing beings, right? We're always off to doing the next thing. How did this breakdown that you have become a breakthrough in your path toward real happiness? Because you not only had the breakdown, but then you were, you were on medication.

[04:19.6]
You had, you know, this was a big issue for you, and it didn't just disappear overnight. You had to work at it. So, tell the listeners a little bit about the breakthrough that.

[04:36.0]
The breakdown was really a breakthrough for me, as I said, because I had to realize that I have so much in my life going well, and to wind up in that situation.

[05:39.6]
Let me start over. Yeah. Like your son said. Close your eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

[05:56.4]
Just be calm. You're, you're in good hands. Okay. God is looking over your shoulder. The breakdown was really a breakthrough for me. And at the time, I had to ask myself, how did I get into the situation?

[06:11.5]
And it really came through the perfectionism. Greg, I needed to work almost every hour I possibly could to do the very best I could, and I wound up burning myself out. I came up with my own idea of why we all work so hard.

[06:28.2]
And I call it the American success story. But the negative side of the American success story. My grandfather came over from Lithuania, and I know that he worked as hard as he possibly could and only looked at the things he was doing wrong so that he could try to have a happier son and a happier grandson.

[06:47.9]
But kids always do what their parents do. So my father worked very hard. He only looked at what he was doing wrong. I got, in the situation, working hard, only looking what I'm doing wrong. And if you're only looking what you do wrong and working hard, of course you're going to be successful.

[07:06.5]
But are you going to be happy? Not at all. Well, you know, you mentioned just prior to this about this perfectionism and how this has driven you, right? And how you work so hard and, and how these people bullied you and all these other issues.

[07:22.4]
If you were to look back, do you think that some childhood conditioning kind of shaped your adult expectations of happiness and success? Because it, it literally, you know, you've already said in the first five minutes that, you know, you were a perfectionist, you were bullied, you wanted to get A's, not C's, and you.

[07:44.0]
And you just listed all the things that would make a person pretty anxious, pretty. How do you want to say? Always on. You know, they're just, they're. They would. It would be challenging because you got to let your hair down sometimes and be yourself.

[08:05.5]
Does that make sense? Well, I mean, yeah, I, I think it probably all started with my brother being, maybe a little bit closer to my dad because he was older than me. So I think I started out trying to beat him in grades. And then, as I said, with the bullies bullying me so much, I definitely wanted to be as much of a perfectionist and do certainly better than they did.

[08:28.2]
We also know that when you're playing sports and all of a sudden you get a goal and your parents run over to you and give you a high five, it sets up the idea that when you do great things, it's time to celebrate. So that's how I really led my life.

[08:43.3]
As much, celebrating as I possibly could and was willing to work as hard as I could to get to those levels. Well, you know, in this. In the first chapter of your book, you describe something as simple. And that's how bad this got for you.

[08:58.5]
Choosing between coleslaw and potato salad. It was impossible during these lowest moments, and that's pretty low. What did that experience teach you about the impact of depression on everyday life and decision making?

[09:17.2]
Well, the whole idea that I put coleslaw or potato salad is I was so broken. I burnt out so much that I couldn't even answer that question. And when you get to that level, you realize that there's just nothing left but depression and anxiety wears you out.

[09:35.2]
So that if you're constantly having that feeling and you're working as hard as you possibly can, eventually you have that burnout and, you know, you. So you were out there and you found a psychotherapist and you found medication.

[09:53.7]
What would you tell people today who might be on the brink of this? High achievers, right? Who kind of resist these interventions out of fear or pride or stigma?

[10:10.2]
What would you, you know, face the camera today and talk to my listeners who are basically dealing with this, and they're. And they just keep putting it off and putting it off and putting it off. What would advice would you give them? I think the first thing I'd say to them is many people tell me that they are too embarrassed to go to a psychiatrist and they're very worried about taking medications, that it might affect their sex life.

[10:35.1]
Believe it or not, it might affect their weight. I want them to realize that their kids will be like them. So it's really important that they get help so they're not coming home in a bad mood and fighting with their wife all the time. This is what will happen with their kids.

[10:52.8]
And then you give it a shot. The one thing I can tell you about medication is you can't stop it at any time as long as you do it gradually. If you're taking two pills, you should go to one and a half, then to one, and then to half a pill. But if your weight goes up or does affect your sex life, just stop it.

[11:10.1]
Interesting. So, look, you got so involved in this that you came up with the 12 week to finding happiness boot camp. And your workbook introduces happiness as something we can train ourselves, which is actually quite an interesting concept, much like physical fitness.

[11:32.8]
Why do you think that so many people believe happiness is passive versus circumstantial rather than practiced? Because it. I mean, you know, most people are like, happiness, go, okay, I Can go do yoga, I can go do a run, I can go do whatever that'll help me release the proper chemicals in my system.

[11:57.0]
What else can people do? I know part of your boot camp includes that, but it includes other things as well. Well, I think that the most important thing is to realize that if you go and buy a beautiful car, you may be happy for a week or two, but we all can work on our happiness levels.

[12:16.5]
For example, I start out with exercise. Exercise is the fastest thing you can do to go from unhappy and depressed to feeling a whole lot better. So there are a lot of different, exercises that we can teach ourselves so that we become happier, and more successful at the same time.

[12:36.8]
Yeah. And whether, again, I want to repeat, there are so many different things that somebody can do. But movement, just movement of your body, whether it's walking or it's walking on the beach or it's going on your bicycle, it's going to the gym, anything that has to do with movement has been proven.

[12:55.3]
Dr. James Gordon, as I mentioned before to you, is a big one, and I think people might want to look that up. Now, in week two of the workbook, you talk about feeding the mind. You obviously have been a big advocate of listening to reading, positive, material, motivational material.

[13:19.2]
What are some of the most powerful books in our recordings that help to reframe your mindset during these times of deep, deep depression? Great question, Greg. I think the book that everyone should read is by Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich.

[13:35.6]
It's fantastic. I really like also Tony Robbins, Awaken the Giant Within. Tony Robbins is the goat, the greatest of all time. Tony changed my life when I was 22. He's fantastic. Jim Rohn, the Art of Exceptional Living.

[13:50.9]
Dale Carnegie, the smallest, and most incredible Secret. And I also, at the end of my workbook, I have 20 to 25 books listed. So you can take a look and, you know, decide which one would be best for you.

[14:07.6]
Great. And I would even add to that from an inspirational standpoint, because I know during times when I was challenged, I actually used to listen to Norman Vincent Peel tapes. And he was quite, quite the, prolific inspirational guy that I would go to.

[14:26.1]
I'd listen to him when I was in my car. And he really helped a lot. So look, daily habits and practices. We know that tiny habits. J.D. foggy. And all these people who've written about it and studied it.

[14:43.0]
It's like, okay, I got to do simple things. And you talk about exercise in Week one is our happiness plan. How did regular movement for you play a role in healing you and helping heal you and get out of depression, but not just physically, but mentally and emotionally?

[15:02.3]
Well, I'll tell you, when I was in college, I was so stressed out, that it was great that my dad saw how much I needed exercise, and we went to a gym when I was 19. And Greg, I've exercised three times a week ever since 19, and I'm 60 right now.

[15:21.1]
But it's really the mental more than the physical. When I was running my business, we had over 700 employees. And often the same thing that one employee would do, the next one would do 10 years later. For example, an employee would tell a customer to f off.

[15:37.8]
And that night the customer would throw a brick through the window. And 10 years later, the exact same thing happened. New employee tells the guy to f off a brick through the window. And it just got really, really stressful. There'd be some evenings I'd leave work and I'd want to put my head through the wall.

[15:54.4]
When I went to the gym, all of a sudden I would be relaxed and I'd be leaving like Superman. So the gym and exercise and movement can make a huge difference in your life. Yeah. And I think, you and I talked about before, you know, you're. There's serotonin that's released and there's oxytocin that are released.

[16:13.2]
And. And when you're under stress, huge amounts of stress, we all know that it's cortisol that's running through your veins, and it's probably the worst thing that you could have running through your veins. And, you know, you have emphasized.

[16:28.4]
And I think this is really important because I don't think you can love another person unless you can have compassion for yourself. And in week three of your workbook, you emphasize this. What are some of the specific self talk strategies and or affirmations that helped you transform that inner critic inside of you that basically turned him into an inner coach?

[16:55.3]
Well, I realized that, that I was constantly beating myself up. And I say that most people treat themselves worse than they would treat their worst enemy. And so I decided that I needed to start making all of the things that I beat myself up with less, upsetting.

[17:15.6]
I would look at something, for example, if it was a day, and I'd come home and say, this was absolutely the worst day of my life, I'd try to change it and say, you know what? Today wasn't so great. And that really helped Me.

[17:44.2]
Also, you got to realize that there are almost double the amount of negative words in the English language than positive words. So we're predisposed to talk to ourselves in a very negative fashion. Yeah.

[18:00.8]
And, you know, one of the things that you did is there are people. A lot of people do mantras. They have little sayings. What are some of the things that you used to tell yourself during these times? How did you whisper to yourself, well, I would, you know, do everything I could, as I said, to tell myself, look, you're a great guy, and, yes, you made that mistake at work or that mistake with somebody else.

[18:28.8]
Many times they don't even notice it. But, it's still really bothering you. So I would tell myself to let it go, to move on and not get so upset about it. And I think that's important is that you tried to stay in the now.

[18:45.6]
And one of the things that you emphasized, too, was, really, that's the only place we have. I think I said before that yesterday's a canceled check, tomorrow's promissory note. But right now, what you and I are doing here in this very moment is the only place we can stay.

[19:03.4]
As a matter of fact, you know, Microsoft, did studies on this early when people were using computers, and they said, really, multitasking is not something that one really has the ability to do. The mind doesn't have the ability to focus on four or five things at once.

[19:20.8]
And the reality is, when you're running a business, as an entrepreneur, that's frequently what you're attempting to do is you're juggling five or six or seven things. But if you're going to do it right, you need to focus on one thing, do it right, and finish it. Now, I know for a lot of people listening, going like, I got 18 million things open on my screen.

[19:41.5]
Yeah, you do. And many of those things are what cause anxiety. So I would recommend to people, maybe limit that to three and see if you can. If you can do that and get those three things done. Do you have any comment about that?

[19:56.6]
For somebody who ran a business with 600 employees, you were probably trying to juggle more than one thing at once. And I have a feeling this caused a lot of your anxiety. Yeah, absolutely. Well, it's very important to look at the month and say, what are the most important, important things I need to accomplish?

[20:13.0]
And maybe there's four, maybe there's five. And then step back and say, well, if I need to do X in four weeks, what do I need to accomplish in the next week and the second week and the third week? So, so much of it is, you know, just focusing on one thing, then you can focus on the next and the next.

[20:31.6]
And also I had really good, assistant managers and regular managers that I was able to delegate to. Yeah. And keeping that positive mental attitude, as they say, or pma. Now, in the workbook, you dedicated several weeks to relationships, strengthening close ones, like with your wife and your son, and eliminating toxic ones, like you were telling me before, and surrounding yourself with positive people.

[21:03.3]
Now, speak with our listeners, if you would, about community, why it's such a critical component of, personal happiness and who we should be surrounding ourselves with and who we should be trimming from our table.

[21:21.6]
Well, being with close relationships, whether it's family or friends, is the number one thing that will make you happy, according to studies. So with friends, for example, if you're having positive times and you can celebrate with them, it makes things so much special.

[21:38.9]
On the other hand, if things are going bad, they're going to be with you to pick you up. Loneliness, Greg, is considered the toughest thing to deal with right now. In fact, the sergeant general actually made loneliness a national health crisis.

[21:57.0]
Over 50% of Americans will have severe loneliness at one time in their life. 29% will die prematurely because of loneliness and loneliness attributes. Also to.

[22:17.9]
Also, I want to mention that I watched a show the other night and they were interviewing POWs, and they said they asked them what was the worst thing about being held in captivity. And they said it wasn't the beatings and it wasn't lack, of food.

[22:35.0]
It was lack of human beings, lack of human touch, being all alone. So I think that it's very, very important for us to be with family and friends. My parents really picked me up when I was going through my lowest times in college. When it comes to who you should spend time with, it's extremely important that you don't spend time with negative people.

[22:58.0]
There's something called crabs in a bucket. That's when one crab tries to get out and all the crabs pull them down. Similarly, when you try to do something really exciting and special, what I want to do this year is travel the country and help as many people as I can with, trying to be happier.

[23:15.5]
Many times family and friends will say, don't do that. It's too much. It may not work out, you'll be so disappointed. So they pull you down so many times. You've got to really fight the negative people. I would like you to take out a piece of paper, and I'd like you to list the top four or five people in your life.

[23:36.1]
And I want you to rank them on a scale of 1 to 5 on how positive they are or negative. And if the number one would be they're so negative that anytime you with them, they pull you down. And number five would be anytime you're with them, boy, do they lift you up.

[23:53.7]
Now, you've got scores for each person. I want you to add them up and divide by five. This is your score for positivity negativity with all your friends. If you're at a one or two, you really need to make some changes. In fact, if you don't make these changes, it's almost, not even worth taking this program because they'll just make things so difficult for you.

[24:16.0]
You'll fail. In terms of how you handle people. The first thing you want to let them know is that you've decided to change. You're tired of being depressed, you've taken a new program on, and you really need them as well to take a similar program.

[24:31.8]
Doesn't have to be the one they're taking so that they'll go from negative to positive. If they refuse, then you ask them again. Look, it's really something I need you to do. If not, I'm going to have to spend less time with you. And if they don't make that change, then you actually do spend less time with them.

[24:49.1]
I think what you just said is excellent advice. And I think if people, if that's all they took away from this podcast, was how they chose to rank the positive people versus the negative people in their life and trim those people out of their life that they don't feel are providing them or helping them maintain a positive mental attitude.

[25:12.7]
I think that's great advice. Now, you know, you also said in that similar vein, like setting boundaries or letting relationships go, and what you just said is easier said than done. There's people in your life that sometimes are a little bit harder to have that conversation with.

[25:36.7]
What would you tell listeners today that know they need to have that conversation, but there's some feeling of guilt or shame about doing it, I think. Again, first, you need to realize that your kids will be just like you.

[25:52.3]
So if you're always negative and fighting with people, your kids will wind up being like you. So I Hope that motivates you to make these changes. It is difficult, when you fed a friend for a number of years. But ultimately, if they're pulling you down, you need to have these conversations and let them know you really need them to improve.

[26:16.6]
They can improve. It's not like you're telling them, you know, we're all done with you. There's a wonderful quote. It says, letting people know that you're going to move on from them doesn't mean you hate them. It just means you love yourself more. That's a great quote.

[26:32.9]
That's a great quote. Now in your workbook, playing to your strengths. This book, I want to hold it back up again the 12 weeks to finding Happiness, of which we're going to have links in the podcast for people to be able to download these.

[26:49.1]
But I want to ask you this. Why do you believe that most people overlook their strengths in favor of fixating on their weaknesses? And what did you discover about your own strengths during your recovery process? Well, I think most people focus on the negative because when we were young and in school and we got an A on something and a D on something, everybody wanted us to stay after school and have a tutor for the D.

[27:17.3]
So everything, we focus on is improving, the things that aren't going as well. I learned in work that you, you could spend a lot of time with the employees who weren't, producing as much, and they wouldn't do that well.

[27:32.4]
But you could take a person like my friend Ann Marie, who I felt had her plate full, she couldn't do anymore, and I'd give her 50% more and she'd accomplish it. So we really need to focus on our strengths, more than our weaknesses.

[27:49.0]
And what I recommend when it comes to your strengths, is to take out a piece of paper, write down, the five or six things that you love to do the most, the five or six things that you think you do better than other people, and circle the thing that comes up on both, pages.

[28:06.6]
And that's really what you should be doing. That's what God meant you to do. That's what I call. You're in your zone. Yeah. And you're living in your own purpose, too. And I think finding your purpose is really important. You and I talked about this before, but, you know, if you have a purpose in life like you do now, to, help people become happier, to talk to as many people as possible about what you went through, to let people understand and know that there is a way through and that you don't in, in a lot of cases have to commit suicide.

[28:43.1]
I know you've been working with groups, the Women to Women program and so on, and helping women. You're, you're helping women also, as well as the, in the sex trafficking from India. You really have something greater than yourself.

[29:00.3]
And you, you've got a lot of gratitude and I just want to acknowledge you for that and the things that you're doing to help people. But you meant that fight you mentioned in the book that finding happiness is a lifestyle, not a destination. And if someone's listening today and they feel stuck or sad or stressed or anxious, what would be the one small step you'd recommend that they take this week?

[29:27.6]
And on that note, if this is a lifestyle, what did you change about your personal lifestyle during this period of reflection and depression and the ups and downs you were going through because you had to have made lifestyle changes?

[29:46.5]
I would assume you weren't working 80 hour weeks anymore. So you cut back, you figured out a way to do that. What would you tell somebody who's on that path? The two most important things is to start to exercise, because again, exercise is the quickest way you can go from feeling down to feeling positive.

[30:05.7]
And then it's being kinder to yourself. As I said, so many of us beat ourselves up. We even treat ourselves worse than we would treat our worst enemy. And so we need to lessen the real tough times. For example, if you come home from work and you say, boy, that was the worst day of my life, we want you to say, geez, it wasn't so bad.

[30:28.5]
The other thing is we want to make a list of the things that went well. We want to focus on all the great things in your life, so you're focusing more on the great stuff and less on the bad stuff. So that's, that's one thing. Now what did Todd change in his own lifestyle?

[30:46.5]
Well, you know, I'm a response. You mean, look at, you were 36, you had this breakdown, you ended up on medication, going to psychiatrist, you were working 80 hours a week. There's no logical, reason why that isn't what would happen given a guy who was a workaholic.

[31:03.7]
So, so I mean, you know, there are even full on books written about workaholics. You obviously were one. You were also a perfectionist. Speak to that perfectionist and that workaholic out there, man to man, and tell them what it is you did.

[31:20.4]
Well, you know, as soon as you realize that things are Going in the wrong direction. You have to make some changes. We say if you do the same thing over and over again, you'll never get different results. So I certainly less than the amount of time that I was at work, I spent time with my son more.

[31:36.7]
I spent time with my wife more. We spend over 8,476 hours, believe it or not, focused on the past or the future. Those are hours that we don't spend in the present.

[31:53.6]
And so you really need to say to yourself, how can I get to a point, point that I'm not driving myself crazy? If you'd make a speech, how many people would do a great, great job at the last minute they made a mistake, and all they focus on is the last minute.

[32:10.2]
There's a fortune cookie that I read that said you, the day that you can laugh at yourself is the day that you mature. So it's just really all about Greg, trying to take it easier on yourself, not beating yourself up so much. And it's a struggle. Our whole life, we've gone in a certain direction, just like grooves in a record player.

[32:30.0]
And I'm asking you to turn that around and go in the opposite way. All of this stuff is really tough. But as I said, if you don't do it for yourself, do it for your kids, because they will wind up doing what you do. And how did you learn to love yourself, Todd Moore?

[32:49.2]
Was it through these actions of going to the gym? Was it through your affirmations? Was it through the combinations? Was there any one thing you did that made you feel better about yourself? I think it just comes, as I said, Greg, to being easier on yourself.

[33:08.4]
Easier to realize, how did you find contentment then? I mean, look, because you just mentioned 15 minutes ago, you can have all the money in the world. You can buy yourself a new car, you get another house, you can go acquire all these things, but that isn't truly what's going to give you happiness?

[33:27.5]
So the next question then would be, for somebody who's had all that, where have you found the greatest level of happiness? And I think it's in giving back, isn't it? Yeah. I was going to mention that I do a lot of charity work, and, you know, a lot of it is money.

[33:43.4]
Even though people say it shouldn't just be money, I love it. You know, that's an addiction for me. I feel happiest when I'm actually, you know, giving, money to different charities and seeing the difference they make. I'm involved with a charity In India. And, we actually rescue girls who have been sold into prostitution.

[34:05.1]
Young girls as young as 9 years old. Usually they're sold from their families. The family has too much kids, they need the money. So they pick one child and they sell them. We rescue them, we bring them into a beautiful home with other people, have been through the same experiences, and in the end they become doctors and lawyers and parents.

[34:25.1]
And it's a really beautiful thing. I'm also involved with a group in Boston. We bring 100 young women from 50 different countries in the world. And each, year we teach them about leadership skills and communication skills so that they can be more effective back in their own countries.

[34:43.4]
We feel like women are more likely to bring peace and. Whereas the men are all about war. I totally agree with you. And it wasn't that long ago at the Luminate Film Festival that I saw a documentary about the sex trafficking, trafficking of young girls out of India, where the families would sell them, into those trades because they needed the money.

[35:07.0]
One, and two. But I think what you're doing there to intervene, number one, it, it can be kind of dangerous work too, the people that are intervening and trying to get them out of the situation. But I applaud you because it's, something that definitely needs to be done to give somebody, not only just a hand up, but to change their life immensely.

[35:32.5]
So thank you for doing that. You know. Do you want to say something else or no? No. Okay. So, we. I want to revisit this concept because we talked about it a bit and everybody hears about it.

[35:50.4]
But in week six of your book workbook, you talk about living in the present. You know, what does that kind of look like for you? And how did you return to it when something like anxiety or regret, regret begins to creep back in.

[36:08.8]
Because, you know, we live a life, we do the best we can. And I think what we have to realize is that our best is okay. It doesn't have to be better. That's so right.

[36:24.1]
You know, I make mistakes now all the time. I mean, that's what we do as human beings, and I just let them go. We actually spend 5% of our time in the future of the past, not in the present. And Greg, that works out to 8,000, 476 hours.

[36:42.2]
So feel the pain of, wasting that amount of time in your life. What I say with the past is it's something that happened. It can be very, very difficult to let it go. But there's A great benefit, of course, to making a change.

[36:59.3]
And so if you had a problem with a relative, like I did in the past, where I felt that they always did me wrong, you can always give them a call. But many times it's just not something that you're up to. You're so angry. And then I recommend writing out a, letter to them.

[37:15.9]
You don't have to send it. You can even just, you know, have it for yourself. It makes a huge difference. Were you a journaler along the way? Did you ever journal, Todd? Not a lot. Not a lot. Okay, but this writing of these letters, did you do a lot of letter writing and then either ripping them up or burning them up after you wrote them or.

[37:37.0]
Actually, yeah, I found people, I found that that was really helpful for me. And a lot of times I would actually call people and just say, let's, let's talk it out. Look, I'm sorry for whatever I did, but let me tell you, this really hurt my feelings. And they would always kind of, kind of be the same.

[37:54.9]
They'd be fantastic. And at the end of the conversation we'd feel much better about ourselves. It's all about communication, Greg. And it's often humbling yourself and admitting that you're part of the problem. And they'll come similarly and let you know how much they care for you and love you.

[38:12.7]
So during this process, I think when some people that are out there listening right now and might be working a lot of hours and trying to excel and be the perfectionist and do the things that you did, yet they've ignored some very important relationships in their lives.

[38:29.7]
So much so that they don't even know how to bridge back into that relationship. Whether it's with a wife or a girlfriend or a son or a daughter or a, mother or a father. It doesn't matter. What recommendation would you give for them to build the curse?

[38:46.1]
Courage to build that relationship again. Whether it be writing them a letter or just figuring out how to talk to them again. Because I think people who have been driven, and are achievers, they frequently have this problem.

[39:06.4]
It's very difficult sometimes to speak to the people who are closest to you. But I think you gotta sit down with them, let them know that you want them to listen to you and let them know your feelings that you're really not feeling very good about the relationship right now.

[39:25.2]
Whatever you did to upset them, you're sorry. And explain what is bothering you about the relationship. Letters are great, but at the same Time. They're not as good as a, a direct conversation.

[39:43.6]
Definitely don't text. Texting is a huge mistake. They can definitely read into it the wrong way. So did you ever do family retreats yourself, for the Patkin family? I know a lot of people have chosen to kind of like, hey, we're going to go do our, our little family retreats.

[40:03.4]
And it's kind of a big thing now. For people with some level of flu, of affluence, they're doing it either twice a year. They're getting together with everybody. They're trying to talk things through. Did you ever, do that?

[40:18.8]
I was just curious. No, it's something that we've discussed doing, but we've never actually gotten around to it. I have a great, conversations with my parents very often, but not so much with my son and my wife. Okay. So, yeah. And I do know that, some of the family offices that I've worked with, that's some of the things that they do because they need to get the family together and get all on the same page and get people talking again.

[40:45.6]
So what's your biggest wish for readers and listeners who begin the 12 week program? This is the 12 week to finding Happiness Boot camp and, or pick up your book, which we've said to our listeners, by the way, and you can get it www.todd patkin.

[41:02.7]
That's T O D T P T O D P A t k I n.com there. He's offered all of this, including the videos for the 12 weeks at Absolutely no cost. So Todd's mission is truly to help make people happier.

[41:20.1]
And it is really not trying to make you happy. He's trying to let you find happiness by doing things differently in your life that will bring you more happiness. So what transformation do you hope, that the people who are listening today will experience as a result of going through your program or reading your book?

[41:42.1]
Well, you know, I hope that they'll certainly have less depression and less anxiety, and just feel very fired up about life. You know, one of the exercises I do for the future is I ask you to take out a piece of paper and write down all the things that you love to do the most and all the things that you think you're better at than, than any other person.

[42:07.6]
And then you circle the one, let me say, a little bit differently, because that way, you know, you can use it. When I look at the future, I encourage you to make a list of all the things that you love to do the most and all the things that you feel that you're better at than most people, and circle whatever is on both lists.

[42:29.8]
And that's really the stuff that you should be doing. That's the stuff that you're in your zone. That's what God really meant you to do. Well, that is a good, exercise for people to go through. And, Todd, again, I just want to thank you for being on the podcast, for making this content available to our listeners, actually, at no cost.

[42:57.3]
And for you, and also for our listeners, if you go to www.todd patkin p a t k I n.com todd is available to speak. He will speak anywhere across this United States or the globe, and he is willing to.

[43:15.8]
Again, and I want to repeat this, other than the plane fare and, and, the meals or whatever, he'll cover, he's not asking for a speaking fee. So I want our listeners know that if you would like to have him come in and speak to your company or speak to your employees or speak to some group, he's available for that.

[43:37.3]
So, Todd, thanks again for being on Inside Personal Growth and sharing your personal life experience and your wisdom around the things that you've done and changed in your life, to help you make you happier and more content. Thank you so much.

[43:54.7]
Yeah, I just want to thank you so much. I want to wish everybody a happy life. And as Greg said, I'm happy to come out and speak to anybody, who would like me to. That's a really very generous offer. Thank you, Todd, for being on the show.

[44:10.5]
Thanks, Greg.